raj

Jul 08, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Candle in the Night

candle in the night
very cooling to the eyes
soothing to the soul

the flame does flicker
in cool breeze blowing
like a rhythmic dance

my heart strikes the chords
to this choreography
performing alive

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

Obadiah Grey

5 years ago

Took me back to the power

Took me back to the power cuts of the seventies raj,
candle light is an almost other-worldly experience for me.

Muchly enjoyed..... Obi.

raj

5 years ago

Hello Obadiah

thanks for reading and good to know you enjoyed this write....

be well..stay safe...

c lynn brooks

5 years ago

Raj

candle light is mesmerizing and beautiful
I find nothing to add or correct i this piece

raj

5 years ago

Hi Chrys

appreciate your taking time and reading through my effort and to know you liked it...thanks...will be reading your posts soon..

be well..stay safe...

Rula

5 years ago

Yep!

This is a soothing piece, very much like the feeling the candle brings to a romantic night.
Thank you for coming back

raj

5 years ago

Hi Rula

to get an appreciative comment from likes of you is inspiring....good to know you found it romantic as well :)

take care...stay safe..be well..

raj

5 years ago

Hello Teddy

thanks for visiting my page ...good to know you liked it and it also created an imagery for you..

be well...stay safe..

raj

5 years ago

Thanks Alan

for taking time to read and leave an elaborate comment with few suggestions..i will take a look at them for sure and see what i can do.....

thanks again...be well..

raj

5 years ago

Hi again Alan

swapping does for may would alter the context that it is about what is being witnesed

adding another syllable in the third line though may improve meter will spoil the 5-7-5 sequence of this piece...i will see though if there is a way to improve the meter..

thanks again..