Debra Bryant

Mar 04, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Canyon Echoes

How did we get here from so very long ago?
Seems like only yesteryear with faces all aglow.
When I was but a girl and you my handsome beau.
We set out towards the future as if we did not know.
The enormity of changes that we would undergo.

We did not know at the beginning of this innocent romance.
One day we would find ourselves with just a backwards glance.
Here at such an ancient age in just this circumstance.
Yearning for our youth now spent, and for a second chance.
The recollection of our passion now seems a perfect dance.

Echoes of the past whisper in the canyons of my mind.
Reminding me of times and places I thought I’d left behind.
No matter how I will it to the clock will not rewind.
So we can go back to when our souls were so entwined.
When our love was so intense that it could never be defined.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I am new at this having only written a dozen or so poems.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Kentucky, USA

Favorite Poets: A few of my favorites., Dylan Thomas, Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night, Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken, Maya Angelou, Phenomenal Woman, Emily Dickinson, There Is Another Sky , Elizabeth Barrett Browning, How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways, Shel Silverstein, Where The Sidewalk Ends, Edgar Allen Poe, A Dream Within a Dream, Margaret Atwood, Night Poem

Comments

Debra Bryant

13 years 4 months ago

Thanks for the welcome and

Thanks for the welcome and for taking the time to read. I was on NeoPoet before it crashed and had written a few poems...fortunately I had hard copies. I have revised and added punctuation as well as a few changes to Canyon Echoes. Thanks again!
~Blessings, Debbie

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 4 months ago

Debbie<

Welcome to Neopoet!
I enjoyed the poem, and the fact that you used a western classic style.
The only thing for me is that the lines were a little wordie. I think that some can be left to the imagination, with the fine metaphors you used. Great piece of writing on your part. Hopefully I will get to read more of your work.
This is a great poetry site. We all feel like family. There is also a lot going on here we have "workshops" , news letter, forums, chat rooms about many educational things like styles of writing We have the AEC that help in monitoring the site which we ourselves elect.
Please feel free to navigate the site. if you have any questions feel free to ask, either I or one of the other members will be happy to help. Again welcome to Neopoet land of the freed poets.

Eddie
...

Debra Bryant

13 years 4 months ago

Eddie,

Eddie,
Thank you for the welcome and for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it very much. I was on NeoPoet before it crashed and had written and posted some poems. I am ashamed to say that I did not know what style of poem I had written...boy is my face red! I really am a novice. I revised a little and tried to take out some of the words. Once again, thanks!
~Blessings, Debbie

Candlewitch

13 years 4 months ago

Hello!

And welcome! It is so good to see you posting here! I thought your presentation fine and your rhyming smooth :) I very much like your poem and the theme. My favorite lines are:

Echoes of the past whisper in the canyons of my mind
Reminding me of times and places I thought I’d left behind
No matter how I will it to the clock will not rewind
So we can return once more to when our souls were so entwined
And our love was so intense that it could never be defined.

always, Cat

Debra Bryant

13 years 4 months ago

Thanks Cat!

Thanks Cat!
I feel like I have gotten a lot of positive feedback. With no formal education in Literature to speak of I was feeling a little anxious to say the least!
~Blessings, Debbie

China Blue

13 years 4 months ago

Debra

May I make a small suggestion
first stanza line four omit that first as . You use it again in the same line but there it is needed

For being a new writer you did a great job on this poem
This is a subject common to us all I believe
Chrys

welcome to Neo Poet

Debra Bryant

13 years 4 months ago

Thank You!

Thanks for the welcome and I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I did make the change that you suggested. Thanks again!
~Blessings, Debbie

wesley snow

13 years 4 months ago

Holy Mary Mother of God!

I'm in love.

I'm wesley and I am a dyed in the wool traditionalist. You had me with the first line. I had no problem with the meter length. You bounced around hexameter and heptameter with a few lines even longer. Personally I find it courageous to attempt. The meter was not terribly consistent, but honestly I only noticed the problems when I went back to analyse.
Stan (known as Scribbler here) and I are always discussing the merits of perfect meter as opposed to "readability". My poetry tends to be precise to a fault which means I miss opportunities for some real emotional intensity.
This poem is READABLE.
But now, the rhyme scheme. Your profile mentions that you are new to writing.

Listen to me very carefully- DO NOT STOP.

I must assume you don't have much in the way of "classical" poetic training, so you might not know what an authentic (or proper) rhyme is. We will be having a workshop soon that concerns only rhyme and I would love to see you there. Suffice it to say that in your poem you used what we call a repetitive rhyme scheme and used authentic rhyme in all instances but one.
No mean feat.
I am impressed.
Welcome.
wesley

Debra Bryant

13 years 4 months ago

I won't stop!

You assume correctly...I have no formal education in Literature or classical poetic training, so I don't understand most of your terminology. Let me make a stab at a guess about my authentic rhyme... beau? Is that the one that didn't quite fit? I am a true novice, but I love to try even though it comes slowly and laboriously to me. I would love to get into a workshop. Thanks for the welcome and for taking the time to read and teach!
~Blessings, Debbie

wesley snow

13 years 4 months ago

No.

Time for a teaching moment. It's what I do. Sue me.
An authentic rhyme is two like sounding syllables PRECEDED by unlike consonant sounds or no consonant at all.

Mind/Behind is a proper rhyme. One preceded by "m", the other by "h".
Rewind/Entwined is not. Both rhyme sounds are preceded by "w". As I said though, you used a repetitive rhyme scheme and only allowed one. That is tough. Well done.
I'll be teaching a workshop on rhyme in several weeks. Really would like you to join us.
I can be a real pest about classical form, but I think I have a fair bit to share and an informed poet is a better poet.
wesley

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 4 months ago

Wes,

please let me know, anytime after the 20th 0f March is good for me because that's when I'll be back from LA.
I do what to try more western ckassic's.

Eddie

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 4 months ago

Wes,

please let me know, anytime after the 20th 0f March is good for me because that's when I'll be back from LA.
I do what to try more western ckassic's.

Eddie

Debra Bryant

13 years 4 months ago

Wesley,

You will undoubtedly have lots of teaching moments with me! Thanks...I guess we are never too old to learn. I will be watching for your rhyming workshop...hope it isn't in the shark pool :~)
~Blessings, Debbie

wesley snow

13 years 4 months ago

Olympic

Jess won't let have the shark pool. I don't swim well enough. wesley

Debra Bryant

13 years 4 months ago

Shark pool

Well I would just as soon stay in the shallow end for right now :-)
Debbie

Nordic cloud

13 years 4 months ago

Wow and you got the ends to

Wow and you got the ends to rhyme in each verse magnificent, it romps along like a river meeting thoughts and memories as it goes, Welcome to our family I enjoyed this poem.

Ann of Norway.

Debra Bryant

13 years 4 months ago

Thank you Ann!

And thanks for the welcome! I love what you say about it "romps along like a river meeting thoughts and memories as it goes." Thanks so much!
~Blessings, Debbie

scribbler

13 years 4 months ago

Hello

It's good to have you return to neo. Even new people who aren't Really new are always welcome lol. I've yet to attempt a poem in which all 4 lines of a stanza rhyme so kudos to you. If you wish to shorten the lines, instead of omitting words you might consider splitting each line int two lines and having a poem in which every other line rhymes. But your poem is fine as is in my opinion...................stan

Debra Bryant

13 years 4 months ago

Good to be back!

Thanks for your comments and for taking the time to read, I really appreciate it.
~Blessings, Debbie