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Sep 05, 2016
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Caregiver Compassion:
Just a caring smile
Utilized once in a while
Goes the extra mile
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Staving off sickness with a Smile
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Vivovon
8 years 10 months ago
Smile
It is good. No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted (Aesop).
'Smile' is one syllable. You may check it out at https://www.howmanysyllables.com/wordprocessor. So, the first line has only 4 syllables. I also put up a haiku (rhyku). Please take a look at it and let me know your view. Thank you.
OriginalRhyku
8 years 10 months ago
Just a Caring Smile
Thanks Vivovon and Remark for pointing out that my smile was off by a syllable. I have just turned on the smile and it is there for your helpful input.
Sparrow
8 years 10 months ago
Rhyku
A good write and as is, is correct 5-7-5 but there are differences between the USA syllables and the ordinary English, English so on some Senyru or Haiku there will be the odd discrepancy, this is talked about a lot.
It is fine which ever way it is written English or American check as the original Japanese had a little leeway built in, Poetic licence, Yours Ian..
OriginalRhyku
8 years 10 months ago
Smile
Sparrow, thanks for the clarification.
Keith Logan
8 years 10 months ago
Not sure if this is a particular form
but for a smoother read how about dropping utilized?
Just a caring smile
once in a while
Goes that extra mile
Vivovon
8 years 10 months ago
Utilized
Yes. I agree with Keith. "Utilized" is a bit hard and heavy in the flow. As we have to keep 5/7/5, I suggest as follow. How does it sound? Finding a meaningful, pretty and soft word is always difficult.
Just a caring smile
Even if once in a while
Goes that extra mile
OriginalRhyku
8 years 10 months ago
Utility of utilized
Vivovon, Keith, appreciate your poetic suggestions. The reason for using utilized is the transition from a second hard syllable into a third soft syllable similar to a smile transforming a hard situation into a soft agreeable state.
OriginalRhyku
8 years 10 months ago
Utility of utilized
Vivovon, Keith, appreciate your poetic suggestions. The reason for using utilized is the transition from a second hard syllable into a third soft syllable similar to a smile transforming a hard situation into a soft agreeable state.