Barbara Writes

Dec 27, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Castle of Dreams at War

The castle is quiet in my head
All talkers ready for bed
Feeling at peace my horse in the saddle
There're no night terrors for me to battle
Just the sleep in my eyes demanding rest.

A few reads of poetry tonight
And some loving critique, none so light
Is what I planned before lights out
Two bottle of antibiotics without a doubt
Can't do a thing for my infectious plight.

Crashing with every word I read
On my iPad I’m steady falling asleep
While the pills relieving pain finally works
Feeling creepy as I try to finish this piece of work
Late in the twilight before my head embrace the bed

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Comments

weirdelf

10 years 6 months ago

hmm, nice piece, Barbara

you are really putting your skills to work.
The rhyming lightens the mood allowing the pain and courage to reach the reader.
Well done.

Barbara Writes

10 years 6 months ago

Thanks

I couldn't have had a better teacher. Your limerick ws really helped me a lot.

I just realize one of my rhyme scheme Is off, Head and asleep. Ill look for a better word the "right word" as stan would say lol

Lenny of Cohen

10 years 6 months ago

Delightful!

Thanks for taking me on a journey inspired by your literary creation.

Barbara Writes

10 years 6 months ago

Lenny

Thanks I appreciate you reading and sharing

Ian.T

10 years 6 months ago

Barbara

this is a quiet piece that shows your day and blinks into the night where sleep takes over, well written.
One line I think needs some attention is the third line:-
Feeling at peace my horse in the saddle.
This part of the line is incorrect, "the horse in the saddle" but I guess you can sort it.
Take care, and hope you have a lovely new year,
Yours as always Ian.T

Barbara Writes

10 years 6 months ago

Ian

Thanks for the suggestion. I guess my horse instead of the horse makes it more personal to the issues I'm facing. I think its better than telling what the issues are.

raj

10 years 6 months ago

Barbara

I agree with all the comments made before me. I find this piece sombre but very expressive of what you are enduring. I have always found your writing to be honest and admire your courage. Wishing you the best of health and happy writing even in the New Year 2015.

Warm regards,

Barbara Writes

10 years 6 months ago

Thanks raj

Your coment is appreciated. I have surgery coming so trying to hang till then you

wesley snow

10 years 6 months ago

Might I make a grammatical suggestion?

Your horse is sitting in the saddle. Instead (from a horseman's point of view) he should be "under" saddle.

Feeling at peace my horse under saddle

Ian.T

10 years 6 months ago

Wesley

Straight from the horses mouth, have a look at my comment, touché, Hope you have time to read some of mine, Yours Ian.T

Barbara Writes

10 years 6 months ago

Wesley Certainly grammatically in error

But in my left brain the saddle is not on the horse. The horse or my issues is in the saddle riding off into the night as I sleep finally.

Esker

10 years 6 months ago

your work has a lyrical grounded realism

much detail and strong but delicately woven..
intricate and not stiff with the classical
formal style..

thank you Barbara!