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Shyanne18
Shyanne18
Nov 21, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Cellar Door

Can you hear it?
Beneath the floor,
Knocking on the cellar door?

It's big and hairy, and just a bit scary.
Not short or small,
Breathing right behind the wall.

At night I hear it down below.
Roars and moans
As it's sorrow grows.

So lonely it must be.
For it's all alone you see?
It has no friends.

Beneath the floor,
It is simply forevermore
And just beyond the cellar door.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Omaha NE, USA

Favorite Poets: Too many to list. All from Frost, Thoreau, and Dickenson, Bukowski, and William Blake let me see the world in a grain of sand. The poem that inspired me to write poetry is In Flanders Field.

More from this author

Comments

Keith Logan

Keith Logan

7 years 10 months ago

I like this

There is almost a child like innocence to it but it is well crafted.

Shyanne18

Shyanne18

7 years 10 months ago

I get the "child like"

I get the "child like" Comments on a lot of my poetry so I think maybe my inner poet is a child as well.

S

scribbler

7 years 9 months ago

Hi Shyanne

We all have our own monsters don't we? I liked this poem but think it might be a bit more effective if you named the monster....just a thought that rattled out of empty head......stan

Geezer

Geezer

7 years 1 month ago

I am going...

to disagree with Stan and say that I think Monster is enough of a name. As we all have our private monsters, it is more likely to connect with the reader if they supply their own monster's name. ~ Geezer.

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

7 years 1 month ago

my take

You set up scene with some cute word play in the first three stanzas which draws the reader in na keep his interest. Then you introduce the "monster" which feels a little Sesame Street to me. I would consider this:

So lonely it must be.
For it's all alone you see?
It has no friends.

Beneath the floor,
It is simply for evermore
And just beyond the cellar door.

Whatever IT is now becomes an opening for the reader to devise his own concept- this sad, hairy, moaning, friendless apparition that is just on the other side of the door... "Monster" is too generic, and I think leaving it abstract works better.

I like the on /off rhymes. Cool idea for a poem.

R

raj

7 years 1 month ago

you have made subconscious

you have made subconscious thoughts conscious in this poem,,,good craft and language skill .....
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