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RoseBlack
RoseBlack
Feb 12, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Chains

Arms bound in cold steel
My heart bleeds black drops silenced
Rise, your time is now

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Jim Morrison

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More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

2 years 5 months ago

Hello dearest Carrie

This is so succinct and satisfying. The reader gets the message right to the point. Howeve, I am not sure if you meant it to be a 5/7/5 senryu, if so the third line has one syllable more
A-wake, /your/ time/ is/ now
Also I thought a comma after (awake) makes a smoother read, but as I said this is really perfect.

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 5 months ago

Hi Rula

I was trying for the 5/7/5...will have to pay closer attention next time. I agree that a comma after Awake, does make a smoother read. I will add that in. Thank you for your read and suggestions.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 5 months ago

dear Carrie,

I like this version much better than the other. it has strength and endurance!

*hugs, Cat

Seren

Seren

2 years 5 months ago

Dearest Carrie

I wrote a comment and it's not here.

I said that I really liked this one.
It's very different from the normal Haiku.

Well done!

Love and big hugs Jayne xox

Seren

Seren

2 years 5 months ago

Well you did a fine job.

Well you did a fine job.

It's always good to step out of your comfort zone.

Hugs and love Jayne xox

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

2 years 4 months ago

I am glad

I was able to inspire you. I have been inspired by many on the site to start writing different types of poetry and styles. I have always enjoyed Haiku and this was my first attempt at one myself.