Character building

Back aches and heart break
from sleepless nights
in a Buick, life is a mess

Keeping my head high
telling myself
"I can get through this"
It is simply a test

What should have been
New York strip
and glasses of Champaign
is a bowl of top ramen
and a cup of kool-aid

My pride won’t let
me beg for change
or lean on a friend for a
place to stay

Keep telling myself
"I'm only doing this to have something
to write later in life
This is good material so
fuck my pride."

The undercover potential
of a young man struggling

This broke,tired,sick
angry shit can be quite humbling

Every time I hear
my stomach grumbling
or see the gas light flicker low
I wonder when that undercover potential
of mine is going to finally show.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: All of my poems are written for the first time right here on Neopoet. None of my work is premeditated except from pulling from my past experiences. I appriciate any and all feed-back. Thanks.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Comments

Janice Pearce

14 years 3 months ago

readwritelive

I loved this one, except the 5th stanza. Doesn't fit for me :) Keep on writing!
And WELCOME!!

Geezer

13 years 11 months ago

I got it...

you are talking to yourself, like some of the other homeless people do. Hey, never really been homeless, but have much experience with going hungery and hardship. Great job! I am really impressed that you write all this off-the-cuff. Do you save it afterward? ~ Geezer

lou

13 years 11 months ago

Hi

I like the fact that you are spontaneous, it makes it raw and real. The poem has some good stuff but is a little ragged. I to felt stanza five could do with a tweak, especially line two which didn't fit, it is too long. I think it might work better if the stanzas were of a similar length, although if your looking for a conversational style, it works.Overall I liked it a lot.

Lou