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Jan 06, 2012
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China cup...
China cup…
From a china cup, she sips,
I try not to stare.
Fluid is her touch, mind trips,
wishing my lips there.
Cup to mouth with ease,
pert the aftershock.
Nearly on my knees,
life a timeless clock.
My heart begins to thrill,
amour is now returned.
Let the world stand still,
new love has now burned.
At last we share her smile,
each, nicely discreet,
Breath, hints of camomile,
gentle, nectar sweet.
My change is great,
but none can see.
Such a wondrous state,
her lips belong to me.
Simple it is, once tasted,
eager we both sup.
Consume all, none wasted,
at her china cup.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is a poem from the old site, with a few subtle changes.
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
wesley snow
13 years 6 months ago
I like it.
Some of the lines could use a little meter tweak as they line up too short or long, but the brevity in language conveys the starkness in the emotions. I have felt this very thing. Good, good poem.
Oh, and "chamomile" is spelled with an "H".
Grammar Cop, wesley
Roscoe Lane
13 years 6 months ago
Thanl you,
Thank you Wesley, you had me rushing to my dictionary, and of course you're correct. But thankfully so am I, LOL, you can speel it either
Roscoe Lane
13 years 6 months ago
Sorry made ,
Srry made a hit the wrong button and posted before I'd finished, Thank you again for your kind comments. Regards Roscoe.. ps i did mean to say spell in that last post.
Nordic cloud
13 years 6 months ago
Speel
Speel my sister uses as a description of someones chatter or performance, but I see it means climbing. Fun, words!
Agree with Wesley about rhyme; the content is intriguing sometimes a word or two stick out for me when I wish they wouldn't, that is in the meaning.
Has good potential with a little work.
Ann.
Roscoe Lane
13 years 6 months ago
Thank you,
Thank you Ann, i will certainly work on this. Love Roscoe..