Chronically me, sorry

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem addresses a significant and challenging subject, chronic illness, with clarity and directness. One strength is the authentic voice that conveys the daily struggles and frustrations of living with chronic pain and exhaustion. The imagery of "phantom itching," "burning sensation," and "pins and needles" effectively communicates physical discomfort to the reader.

However, there are areas where the poem could be refined further. Consider the following points:

1. **Imagery and Specificity:**
While the poem clearly describes physical sensations, some descriptions could be deepened or made more vivid. For example, phrases like "phantom itching" and "burning sensation" could be expanded with more precise metaphors or similes, allowing readers to connect more viscerally with the speaker's experience.

2. **Structure and Rhythm:**
The poem currently uses short lines and frequent line breaks, creating a somewhat fragmented rhythm. Consider whether this fragmentation is intentional and supports the poem's theme of exhaustion and discomfort. If not, experimenting with varied line lengths or stanza breaks could help emphasize key emotional points and improve readability.

3. **Tone and Audience:**
The second stanza shifts toward addressing an external audience ("you"), highlighting misunderstandings and judgments from others. Clarifying who this "you" represents—whether a specific individual, society at large, or both—could strengthen the poem's emotional impact. Additionally, the tone in this stanza becomes somewhat defensive. Reflecting on whether this defensiveness serves the poem's overall purpose or if a more nuanced exploration of interpersonal dynamics could enhance the complexity of the piece may be beneficial.

4. **Conclusion and Message:**
The concluding lines deliver a strong message about shared burden and empathy. However, the phrasing "so do you" might come across as confrontational rather than reflective. Consider whether a slightly different wording or approach could communicate the same idea more effectively, potentially inviting empathy rather than confrontation.

Overall, the poem addresses an important topic with sincerity and emotional honesty. With careful attention to imagery, structure, tone, and the clarity of the intended audience, the poem could achieve greater depth and resonance.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

that the best idea would be to use capitalization only on the lines that start a sentence or get rid of the punctuation.
Maybe it's just me being old school, but...

As to incorporating a little more zip in your lines, you might try using the same words, but in different orders to express a little bit more
frustration and helplessness.

Try:
"The phantoms driving hot needles into my burning skin,
the unendurable itching..." something like that.

Confrontational? I'd say a little. Who wouldn't be, with those people that would probably throw themselves off a bridge if they had to endure just one day...

All in all, I would say that it would be a bit more effective if I didn't stumble over the lines because of the punctuation. You have said what needs to be said to those, who don't have a clue. ~ Gee.
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it's better with the changes you have made, I suppose that there is more that could be done, but I would be tempted to let it be done. Nice, ~ Geez.
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