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Cliché's for critique
Love On The Wing
Got a story to tell you
You had better believe it
I am going to, spill the beans.
On the mating of Termites
The flying one’s take off
In sultry Summer’s sun, singing,
To everything there is a season.
I think more of a reason,
As they lift off to, go with the flow
Once they are mated and sated
Down they come losing their wings
Crawling helpless on the ground
They have eaten half my house
With their nasty habits
Worse than Australian rabbits
So I'll knock their lights out
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This was written on how NOT to use Cliché's in poetry, here you can see how bad things get when using well known sayings. There is one thing though, that poets from other countries where words are used differently may never have heard of the cliché's we use so care must be taken when putting critique on their work. Get to know the person that is writing from profile or their way of writing. I still say I won the cup!!
Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
William Saint George
12 years 10 months ago
Hi Ian
The first word is cliché enough, so you win. lol
Your last few words saved me from assuming we all "shared" cliches. That's a good reminder. I also noticed the alliteration in the title, and in some of the lines " sultry Summer’s sun, singing...".
Only issue I had was with the commas, which always make me pause before reading on. They sort of got in the way of things a bit, so on the second reading I ignored them.
Rula
12 years 10 months ago
Now I want to be told
dear Ian as I am-not a native speaker of English- but it is my second language, do I use these Cliché's or do I use them differently. Much of what you've written as Cliché's I am not aware of , so thanks for telling me something about this. I need to re-read to avoid them or you'd better bear with me when I have any in my writing.LOL
Rula
12 years 10 months ago
Opps
forgot to say that I much enjoyed your Cliché's
Ian.T
12 years 10 months ago
Rula,
Rula,
Many thanks for your visit I have put a site link here for you, it will show you many Cliché's that are in our ways of talking, they are a kind of slang in the poetry world.
We had a workshop last year on Cliché's how and why not to use them, Take care and have a lovely day, Yours Ian.T
I can't get through to the site from here put just put Cliché into search and have a look through them..
weirdelf
12 years 10 months ago
Love the poem, it works at several levels.
You know what I noticed most?
It has meter!
Not regular meter, freeform meter, but meter has normally been the weakest aspect of your craft.
Bloody well done.
judyanne
12 years 10 months ago
hi ian
what a great use of cliche
i do so love it
it denies the so called 'fact' that cliche doesn't work - well a satire on cliche obviously does lol
thank you
love judy
xxx