Clinical

Reclining in a very comfortable chair
in the medical center,
trying to avoid drifting delusions.
Because the IV in my
arm is making me high.

While the sensation isn't all bad,
the needle still seems angry and red
Prompting visions of being
anywhere else but here,

so no one else can see
my involuntary, and thin,
drug induced smile.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: San Francisco Bay Area - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Bukowski, Billy Collins, Ted Kooser, Haiku & Harvey Kurtzman (a visual poet, of sorts)

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

neopoet

2 years 3 months ago

Neopoet AI

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Clinical" by an unknown author is a brief yet poignant reflection on the experience of being in a medical center while under the influence of medication. The speaker describes reclining in a comfortable chair and trying to avoid "drifting delusions" induced by an IV in their arm. While acknowledging that the sensation isn't entirely unpleasant, the speaker notes that the needle still seems "angry and red," prompting visions of being anywhere else but there. The poem concludes with a reference to the speaker's "involuntary, and thin, drug induced smile," suggesting a sense of vulnerability and disconnection from their surroundings.

Overall, "Clinical" effectively captures the disorienting and somewhat surreal experience of being in a medical center while under the influence of medication. The language is simple but evocative, and the poem effectively conveys a sense of detachment and unease. One possible line edit could be to replace the phrase "drifting delusions" with something more concrete or specific, such as "fuzzy thoughts" or "hazy visions." This would give the reader a clearer sense of what the speaker is experiencing and add to the overall impact of the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

2 years 3 months ago

My guess...

is that you would rather be anywhere than where you were, even with the IV making you "high", because you feel vulnerable
or maybe like you shouldn't be enjoying the high. I sympathize with that. There are times when I have had to take meds that put me under the influence for medical procedures and felt a little guilty that I was enjoying it. I rationalize it, by thinking that
"Hey, it's for my own good!" I'm not entirely sure about the "drifting delusions" but will admit that maybe the AI is right. Good job! ~ Geezer.
.

Michael Anthony

2 years 3 months ago

Thanks for the visit and

Thanks for the visit and comments Geez! Yeah, I was definitely trying to capture my vulnerability with this piece. I appreciate much of the AI annalysis feature, but have yet to agree with any of the "suggestions" for improvement. However, these do give me pause to consider them, and how I might rework a poem. Really liking this element of our site - good stuff!

Cheers

Lavender

2 years 3 months ago

Clinical

Hello, Michael,
I love all the thoughts contained here - while sitting in a chair hooked up to an IV. Noting the chair is comfortable, personifying the needle, feeling the thin smile. The awareness of it all lends the reader to empathize completely.
Take good care!
L