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Aug 25, 2018
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Cloud.
Beautiful mass of-
bodies suspended above
floating leisurely on azure skies
Looking up i see a colorful display of white and blue; paintings in the sky
They are God’s sketches
the Almighty’s creation
i marvel at the way they move with great coordination
lazily navigating through the horizon
Without a care in the world.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I drew the inspiration to write this poem from looking at d clouds floating through the sky...
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Eumolpus
6 years 6 months ago
nice sentiment
One suggestion: maybe end with
Without a care in the world.
..
Cloudthings
6 years 3 months ago
Had to read this, as I am cloud obsessed
Very nice little write - light & sweet & a fond sentiment... I wondered if it might run more smoothly & comfortable if you dropped the "Looking up i see a colorful display of white and blue;" & just left it with
"paintings in the sky" etc. Since you already described the clouds & sky in the first few lines?
Just a thought .