lovedly

Dec 03, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Come home un-draped edit by Judy and Mand

When they don uniform...
they marry a coffin

so grieve not for soldiers my friends...
it’s the promise of country's patriotism ...

either they come home
or are brought draped....

to fade away
into the oblivion of time
without a bell ring
they
go...
with unsung grace

SECOND VERSION

Come home undraped

when they don uniform...
they marry a coffin...
if they are lucky...
they will burn and return,
belong to the vessel they brought along,
whenever they are gone
forever ....they now here...
belong to the vessel they brought along

so grieve not for soldiers my friends...
either they come home ...
or are brought draped.
it’s the promise of country's patriotism ...
them that does em shape
they just fade away....
into the oblivion of time...
without a bell ring, or a great Big Ben chime...
they came to go...
and so let em go...
with an unsung grace
on their face

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: UNIVERSE...ETERNITY C/O ME, ROU

Favorite Poets: All across the Internet whom I read , and they inspire..

Comments

judyanne

10 years 7 months ago

hello loved

i've had a play, because i know you don't mind
:)

i've culled it a lot.... less is better in this case i think

'When they don uniform...
they marry a coffin

so grieve not for soldiers my friends...
it’s the promise of country's patriotism ...

either they come home
or are brought draped....

to fade away
into the oblivion of time
without a bell ring
they
go...

with a charming grace'

love judy
xxxx

lovedly

10 years 7 months ago

judy ur a charming poet I missed you yet

thanks for the beauty edit

hope you will read more those yet unread

Judy do you know
I know two more Judie's two from USA
and one u ,an Aussie
I am looking for one in UK Do you know any?
Well all Judi's I've known help me with poetic grace
and I bow in front of you all
face to face

mand

10 years 7 months ago

Hi there!

I think you make a fantastic team! Love this poem to bits :) with one exception - the last line, it seems out of place, ( of course that is probably just me ) I don't know why but the phrase unsung hero's comes to mind! - that was me meandering. Lol

Anyway apart from that I think you have come up trumps - I really really like it, a lot! :)

Love Mand xxxxxx

judyanne

10 years 7 months ago

i agree with you mand

the last line... but it's loved's poem - i didn't want to change the words or text....

but loved... what do you think about 'with unsung grace'?

love judy
xxx

mand

10 years 7 months ago

Yes Judyanne!

I think that would fit the bill nicely! :) xxx So long as Loved agrees.

lovedly

10 years 7 months ago

thanks i agree

unsung twill be
and hope judy does agree
she did so twill have been already done

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Lovedly

I liked both the subject and write as also appreciate your thoughts for the soldiers who put their lives on the line selflessly to protect others..

Regards,

lovedly

10 years 7 months ago

glad u liked it raj

you really r sublime
lucky be /is your wife
when will you return to Canada ?
twill be nice
howz
BOmbay warm ?
always was ...

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Lovedly

As of now planning to visit Canada in mid 2016. I understand that winter is already setting out there while here it is still warm and humid and looks like will improve over the next week but nothing as wintry as Canada.

Regards,

lovedly

10 years 7 months ago

ALL AMERICAS

r beautiful weather and place you can chose
even partners whenever
as feel fish

lovedly

10 years 7 months ago

another modified version for a second thought

Undraped
Come home undraped