Coming Home...

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem presents a vivid exploration of self-perception and introspection, with a sudden shift to a darker narrative in the second half. The transition could be smoother to maintain the coherence of the poem.

In the first part, the use of metaphoric language to depict internal conflict and self-judgement is effective. The lines "seeing all the anger dancing around the happiness, twirling through the sorrow, teasing the hunger" create a strong image of emotional turmoil. The repetition of "eyes" and "ears" could be diversified to avoid redundancy and enhance the poem's richness.

The second part of the poem, starting from "Killer stared in amazement," introduces a new character and a darker narrative. This shift is abrupt and might confuse the reader. It would be beneficial to establish a clearer link between the two parts of the poem to maintain thematic consistency.

The poem's ending, with its exploration of vengeance and sin, adds a moral dimension. However, the sudden introduction of violence and gore could be off-putting for some readers. If the intention is to shock or surprise, it is successful. However, if the intention is to maintain a consistent tone throughout the poem, it might be worth revisiting this approach.

Lastly, the poem's rhythm and meter could use some refinement. There are places where the flow is interrupted, such as the line "right between her budding boobs." Adjusting the syllable count or rephrasing could help maintain a consistent rhythm.

Overall, the poem has potential and with some revisions, it could offer a more coherent and impactful reading experience.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

What an amazing amusing collaboration.
I came to this many time the last couple of days and couldn't find the time to leave a proper comment. I still can't, I think. I feel like I'm unable to give it its justice. I like how the structure morphed to give a different tone and feeling to the soul of the piece.
I am so thrilled to know you have a talented son and applaud your efforts, both
Thumbs up!

Once more great poetry my friend you express youself so well. I feel your pain and I know part of your anguish. Just remember that without pain and suffering there can be no happiness. I hope you find peace and continue to write. I feel you to be a very good friend. I hope that you feel the same way. I've burned most of my bridges, but nothing matters except honesty and friendship. The future is'nt that hard too see. I believe you'll do well and that your relationships will all be restablished. Until we meet just keep following your golden heart. Your words are always expressive and refreshing even when suffering is part of the theme.

I am delighted to see Killer's reemergence to his spot on your page! (I wish eddy styx would stir his bloody bones and write something!) I like the flowing of both your voices, yours and your sons. Tell your son that writing poetry is one of the best ways for working out emotions especially anger/rage! My favorite lines which were very hard to choose, are:

Killer stared in amazement,
he didn't expect to see,
lines like this again,
"My long-lost part of me."

He knew the road was dark,
he didn't expect to find,
a story from the beginning,
of when he lost his mind.

excellent work, boys! congratulations on the union of souls in this write, I hope there will be more to come in future days.

much love, Cat

I look forward to it! You are a skilled teacher/instructor.

five stars and three thumbs up! Cat

A good collaboration! Nice to see you and your son working together! We all know writing can be a powerful outlet and hopefully this helps him find the release he needs to face his emotions. It is one of the hardest things to do! I wish him all the best and hope to see more from the two of you. As always, it is good to see Killer make an appearance! I have missed his face around here.