Confidential

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses metaphor and imagery to convey a transformational experience. The speaker's growth and change are depicted through the journey from blindness and crawling to a world of artistic expression.

The first stanza effectively sets up the speaker's initial state of ignorance or lack of understanding. The use of words like "blind," "crawled," and "cried" creates a vivid image of struggle and confusion.

In the second stanza, the speaker's inner turmoil is conveyed through the metaphor of thoughts as "doubts" and "inner shouts." This could be further developed by providing more specific examples or images to ground these abstract concepts in concrete experience.

The transition in the third stanza, marked by "until when," could be made clearer. The phrase "you intruded" suggests a sudden, possibly unwelcome, interruption, which seems at odds with the positive transformation described in the rest of the stanza. Consider revising this phrase to more accurately reflect the speaker's experience.

The final lines effectively convey the speaker's immersion in the "world of words' art." However, the phrase "and in you" is somewhat ambiguous. If the "you" in the poem is intended to represent a specific person or entity, consider providing more context to clarify this relationship.

Overall, the poem effectively uses metaphor and imagery to depict a journey of transformation. With some refinement, it could provide a more detailed and nuanced portrayal of this experience.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hi Rula, good to see your name!

The title is good. it gives so much information with so few words, that it makes me think of sculpture as well as poetry.
Through its simplicity it shines in beauty.

to qualify simplicity: I once read that true genius was the ability to present the complex, simply. So simplicity is a high quality with me. A poem without unnecessary words is always a sign of a good poem, and you almost reached it, but "until when" seems to contain a fuller word.
I like this very much Rula, I find it near perfect.

"until you intruded" and "when you intruded" sounds about the same

I will give an example: I was feeling down until you came along. so the until tells when a change occured in me; so when is not needed.

Anna,

It's been years, this is Whit Akai, anyway, perhaps you remember our interactions, I am delving back into neopoet again.

I feel this, age has jaded my ability to let someone in so when someone surpasses our barriers, it's a rare and treasured. I love this.