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Sep 10, 2012
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Confidential (Mindful Memorable #4)
Before you
I was blind
I crawled and cried
as a child
my thoughts
were mere doubts,
inner shouts
that howled
and ground my awe
until when
you intruded
and diluted
my heart
in the world
of words' art
and in you.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
judyanne
12 years 9 months ago
rula – this is awesome
rula – this is awesome
i really like the allusion to st paul’s letter in the first stanza
it sets it up perfectly for the strong feelings the persona has for this particular person or society
my only suggestion
‘and grind my awe’ – I’d make ‘grind’ ‘ground’ – to fit the tense of the rest of the stanza
very memorable in my book – especially the finish, the whole last stanza
love judy
xxx
Rula
12 years 9 months ago
Not aware of
St. Paul's letter dear Judy.
But I am really happy that you found this one memorable and you like it.
Very much appreciate the time for reading and commenting.Thanks again.