Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Dec 16, 2024
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Constructing My World
I am a builder,
Who constructs ,
And who adds value.
I am a creator,
Who uses imagination
In my writing.
I am a singer,
Who sings songs
Written by others.
I am an individual
With my own my ideas
And devices.
Constructing my world.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: As 2024 ends for me , as it does for everyone else, I contemplate the way I have unburdened myself from what was no longer working for me.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Constructing My World" is a first-person narrative that explores the theme of self-expression and creativity. The use of the first-person perspective helps to create a direct and personal connection with the reader.
The poem uses repetition effectively, particularly in the repeated use of the phrase "I am a". This repetition serves to emphasize the speaker's various roles and identities, which contributes to the overall theme of self-expression.
The poem could benefit from a more varied use of language and imagery. The phrases "I am a builder", "I am a creator", and "I am a singer" are straightforward and literal. Incorporating more metaphorical language or vivid imagery could help to deepen the reader's understanding of these roles and make the poem more engaging.
The poem also seems to lack a clear structure. While free verse can be effective, it may be beneficial to experiment with different poetic forms or structures to create a more cohesive and rhythmic piece.
The final lines of the poem, "Just give me a chance / To express myself / And permit me to / Construct my world", serve as a powerful conclusion. These lines effectively encapsulate the poem's theme of self-expression and creativity. However, the use of the word "permit" implies that the speaker is seeking permission, which seems to contradict the self-assertive tone of the rest of the poem. It may be worth reconsidering this word choice to ensure consistency in tone.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
6 months 3 weeks ago
Not actively editing...
seems to imply that you feel this poem is perfect just the way it is and needs no critique. I get it, but the line "With my own my ideas", just doesn't sound right. ~ Geezer.
.
The Gogetter
6 months 3 weeks ago
Response to Geezer
I took on board what the last four lines had done and removed what had lessened the power of the message of the poem. I have edited it. The response is one I will take on board next time I write a poem to maintain some consistency. I never thought about a tiny nuance like this.
Lavender
6 months 3 weeks ago
Constructing My World
Hello, there, Gogetter,
This was moving right along with a nice strength to it - until the last four lines. I am wondering why the person described throughout with such decisive language - builder, creator, singer - would ask for permission. It kinda defused the powerful message a bit. I'll be back to read this again.
Thank you!
L
The Gogetter
6 months 3 weeks ago
Response to Lavender
This makes sense Lavender. I didn't think about it like that. It does remove something from the message of the poem. Thank you for the comments.