A Contemporary Free Verse

after which universally,
all so called humans run
To see more poemise in free style
upon my face begets a broadened smile
and
hopes those who done down others
now don't smirk
with twirled feathers,
a brow, a cheek, a frown may be
to compose in free verse
is no more a crime
it’s more of modernized intelligence
when eons passed very few was so dominant.
Thanks to Snow
And
your free style lovely flow.

Well free verse would you believe it but cant get my mind around , that this piece was more of a casual stroll through a dictionary to show others your grasp of funny words appertaining to the main theme.
Not sure if to crit it or just say well done, would have liked a theme that was less jumpy from one aspect to another. Like trying to ask me to write one of those penty things lol, Yours Ian

At once complex and subtle all this.
Wesley I feel that you approach closer
and stand there in front of me to expound your thoughts
where before you were more remote in some other era
wandering the Elysian fields of past shepherd poets,
of course flavoured with the present sense of words
as you wished, juxtaposed side by side the past and present circumscribed.

Now here a present contemplation more completely poised
to stir our minds to see beyond you into the depths of other lives now living.

I don't like mentionong levels,
and don't mean discriminating levels;
but here I am taken, or tumbled in my mind,
through different levels in my head,
seeing as through a narrowed lens
the workings of your mind as you so elegantly
charge us with your thoughts Wesley.

Like an intelligent conundrum
we follow from one side to the other
your balancing of human philosophies,
and although we miss your rhyme and musical rhythm
we find a percussive trend that
claps its intelligence about us,
to be heard by those whose wont
is speculation, and detailed thought about existence
and the presences of devils/gods.

I like the way you throw in these 'foreign' words
that mean the same thing as parts of the text,
the sin, and we meet the great mother, a day's ploughing,
father and the potato among other side tracks of meanings
that surely entertain us outside your poem.

That's my thoughts Wesley,
your friend ever Ann.

he's branching out! a quite impressive first try. one tip, though it may not even work for you: when i write in free verse, i just start thinking and let it flow. it starts with one line in my head and that line could be anywhere in the work, it could even be the title. so i think my only critique/advice would be don't overthink it.
always,
mag

Dustin Hoffin in I heart Huckabee... the blanket.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOgQAMdKdyg

Why do I post it here? Occam's razor cuts through everything to find nothing that isn't it.

~A

The complexity of your thought makes this poem delightful...

I thought I detected some dated expressions.

"oft employ"
"withal..."
Labeling the poem "contemporary" might not reflect the reality of the poem. The subject is definitely contemporary.

That the poem is short is a blessing in disguise (to some, I'm guessing) lol.

And you're really good at free-verse, however it's defined.

I thought I'd misread title. Wes doing a free verse! I'll come back to this this evening when shock has worn off lol.....stan

Nice one, Wes. Maybe lines 1 and 3 could start with "That" and not "The"? I really enjoyed the read.
Ian

Unfortunately I dictionaried, wiki'ed and googled Avera and dhanb, otherwise I would have gushed. You nearly caught me you smug cunt.

Yes, it reads beautifully, is structurally exquisite free-form, don't dare deny the existence of such if you have ever read TS Eliot or others of his ilk.

Why do you have to be so nihilistic about meaning? Are you incapable of considering that depth of meaning is available to us mere mortals, so you hide in medieval story-telling? Grow up!

You are a word-crafter beyond belief, so why do you sneer at content? With your skills you could convince your reader of almost anything.

Over the years, I've studied different religions. What I found is a control domestication of the masses, by fear of a tremble after life, yet all the bibles say. That there is nothing after death. So what the fuck are they talking about.
You have done a fine job in free verse to get your point across. That for me is strange why you wrote it that way. It seem you went against everything you believe. ( that write is religious, but there is a deeper meaning why you picked free verse) I feel that your choice was also a sort of rebellion.
Interesting!

Give me more of the same.

Eddie
PS. I agree with Jess. Sometimes it seems your bullshiting yourself about your ability.
Funny thing how we see ourselves.
It not easy to follow our own thought. And Faulkner is absolutely right.

I think you should give this piece a proper title. Then underneath the title lable it as "A Contemporary Free Verse." In these lines:

The shrewd intelligentsia is rife
among the class of men who have no God.
The ignorance believers oft employ
in place of reason have no need of It.

do you mean those you mention (the ignorance believers) have no need of "it" does "IT" refer to God, or religion? If you are refering to God, would it be more coherent to say; "in place of reason have no need of Him/Her? (Sorry, I am confused)

I do like that you have written something outside of your comfort level. I will get back to you with my analysis, after I have reread and given this piece more thought.

always, Cat

MOVED TO BLOG AS PER MY MASTER'S VOICE

Do not read here.
ONCE YOU ALL SWITCH TO FREE VERSE THINGS WILL GET

Worse
a curse
Loved has made all forget
what was poetry and verse
and the bestest critique we all know ,
will my cruci-fixation rehearse

ere that happens guys go back to your archaicity
and
leave my precious verse to and for me..

i must thank thee
if you want to see
the bard survive in me..