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Jun 06, 2011
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one day i will
stop searching crowds
i will lean backwards
to let fresh air
enter lungs
i'll inhale
colorless fate
that bleeds inside
expel you from veins
rich and thick with
the slightest graze
i won't beat down streets
causing night to pillowslip day
smothered with designs to
face your eyes with mine
strip your dignity
from the shady reasons
we
are not to be
and we will go off
into the blue
to see how things work out
miles make feet heavy
while hearts keep steady time
retracing us
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Kailashana2
14 years 1 month ago
I so much admire your poetry,
I so much admire your poetry, CC.
Your lines:
miles make feet heavy
while hearts keep steady time
are the perfect ending. Perhaps *retracing us* as the title of the poem?
~A.
CCfire
14 years 1 month ago
Good thought there Ana, will
Good thought there Ana, will think on that one :)
loved
14 years 1 month ago
Copy
i stood back
perhaps...
twas a direction at some one
may be me...
glad
how wrong i was
Roscoe Lane
14 years 1 month ago
I also,
I also like your poetry, and knew you'd go down well here at Neopoet. Another cracken (cracking) poem. Regards Roscoe..
CCfire
14 years 1 month ago
JC
You are way too kind but it's comments like this that make me keep striving and writing
CCfire
14 years 1 month ago
JC I love the honesty here
JC I love the honesty here and it's what I need to keep me going, I wish I had the ability to be able to go to Uni but I write because it's a love I have for it, if it goes anywhere I guess it will have to just be with my perseverance but the enjoyment is undeniable when discovering new talent or being satisfied with a write I do, and you're right there is never an ending, just new beginnings :)