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Chiori
Chiori
Aug 18, 2019 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Corruption

if the eyes are not blurred,
and our ears can still hear-
the ranting madness of the early morning cock.

then we say,
a cat had cried like a cat
and the early morning sun had smiled as usual.

but what if
the seer cant see
the hearer cant hear
and dogs welcoming thieves
to get tips

then,
what do we call that.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria , Abuja, NGA

Favorite Poets: John Donne, Williams Wordsworth, Wole Soyinka, Sola Owonibi, Jared Angira, Langston Hughes, P.O.C Umeh, Sir. Walter Raleigh

More from this author

Comments

T

tyro

5 years 10 months ago

then,

then,
what do we call that. institutionalized corruption???

I like your poem, its strait to the point. I think welcoming should be welcome in order to keep the verbs in the same tense.

Pugilist

Pugilist

5 years 10 months ago

Question

Chiori,

For the line:

"and dogs welcoming thieves"

What was your intent. I understand there is a discussion about tense usage, but I find myself disagreeing for reasons I will share after I hear your intent. I do not want to impose my meaning on your work.

I like this piece, it serves a purpose of poetry to challenge and call out power.

Roscoe Lane

Roscoe Lane

5 years 10 months ago

I like,

I like this a lot, only change I'd make is. ( and dogs were welcoming thieves to get tips ) clever poem. Regards Roscoe..