Neopoet

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loved
loved
Apr 16, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Creamy poet

Hello Lady Nevada
your return
sent cockles down my spine
my hairs stood on end
I rubbed my eyes
to reread your lovely one,

At twenty seven you could swim
along with the sun
but never naked…
barefooted maybe
and
here is this one awaiting for more
how your poetry satiates for sure
I wish to let you know
all readers
missed you so.
including the ones,
who are here no more
but hope to see your
Lovely free verse
my portrait,
as like a garland adore….

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ROU

More from this author

Comments

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 3 months ago

This could have been one of your gems!

But as soon as you mention Neopoet in a poem, and refer to another member, it becomes self-reflex and non-universal poetry.

Just a few changes and this would be lovely.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

13 years 3 months ago

Dear Jess,

I, for one, would love to see the changes you have in mind! Would it be a lot of trouble for you to show us what you mean by giving us an example? Or at least pointing out the lines you would like to see changed?

Thanks, Cat

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 3 months ago

oh, not specifics,

it qualifies as a minor gem for being evocative and expressive,
falls short from being outstanding for fairly ordinary imagery and originality.

You asked.

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 3 months ago

Yep!

It seems to be the best you are able to do! Without bothering to learn anything about your craft. We are, of course talking agate, amethyst, garnet. Not ruby, sapphire, diamond.

loved

loved

13 years 3 months ago

you are addressing

a dumb headed stone
thanks...
at least you do me the favour
of giving a poetic cat scan ...

loved

loved

13 years 3 months ago

Hello My Maker Weird elf

I love Weird elf

coz he always calls a spade,
a spade
that he accuses me of ignorance of poetry
in itself is a great praise
to him in salutations
I my hand do raise ..

that tomorrow never comes
we all know
as it becomes a today
but your poem is sadly lovely
that i will surely say ..

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

13 years 3 months ago

Dear Loved,

I like the subject matter! I think it needs a bit of polish, but it has great potential. I like these lines:

At twenty seven you could swim
along with the sun
but never naked…
barefooted maybe

always, Cat