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Oct 18, 2024
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Creatures of the wild
Respect is a two way street – on paper.
The bible says do unto others as you want done unto you, yet we’re compelled to do the latter ;
To turn the other cheek, then the other until we’re number and swollen
A generational wound left untreated,
Ignoring stains on the blood they’re bleeding
Sick from a disease they refused to see, let alone heal
Blinded by the deep-rooted pain no bundle of joy can ever kill, ever so slowly it is the joy they kill.
They killed our innocence with their negligence
Yet suffocated with elegance and reticence
We’re left emotionally malnourished and invulnerable
Yet their entitlement on our behaviour remains unshakeable
Now we’re infected, who’s healing?
Now we’re bleeding, who’s seeing?
Now we’re crying, who’s listening?
Now we’re dying, who’s helping?
Now we’re broken, who’s piecing?
Sheep without a shepherd expected to never stray
Pardon us for learning to do things our way
A society that failed to love and protect
Demands submission from neglect?
Lost in the wildness,
compelled to search for manners
Yet no one wanted to mould us,
when we were innocent, thoughtless.
They say people fear what they don’t understand, I say they fear their own reflection.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: When I wrote this I thought of an angry and mentally fatigued youth, ready to chop the tree at its roots.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses metaphor and emotive language to convey a sense of societal neglect and the resulting emotional turmoil. However, the message might be clearer with more consistent imagery and structure.
The poem begins with a reference to respect and religious teachings, then transitions into the theme of generational wounds and societal neglect. The shift is abrupt and might confuse readers. It could be beneficial to establish a clearer connection between these themes.
The use of rhetorical questions in the middle of the poem is a powerful tool to engage readers and provoke thought. However, the repetition of the phrase "Now we're..." could be varied to avoid redundancy and maintain reader interest.
The final lines introduce the idea of fear and reflection, which seems to be a new theme. To strengthen the poem's coherence, consider weaving this theme throughout the poem instead of introducing it at the end.
Lastly, the poem lacks a consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme, which could make it difficult for some readers to follow. Experimenting with different poetic structures might help to enhance the poem's readability and impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
8 months 1 week ago
Hello Angie
a warm welcome to Neopoet. Nice to meet you
I've been reading your profile just to find that we both share that we're teachers of English language as a foreign language (retired few years ago).
Back to your first submission, I'd say it reads more like prose as lines it runs with long lines and very few rhymes.( Speaking about the first part of the piece.)
But then the morph leads to a more structured piece and I really like it.
A good first submission.
Looking forward to reading more of your works.
Best wishes.
Rula
8 months 1 week ago
Forgot to say
A very appealing theme you've got there! You did great job
Bravo!
Angie S
6 months 3 weeks ago
Instagram following
I'm so sorry to be responding now, I'm still getting used to the website. I have two accounts, I followed you on one for now and as soon as I'm able to I'll follow you on my second one.
Thank you so much for your feedback, I appreciate you taking the time to help me better my writing.