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Jul 18, 2024
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The Crossroad
He crossed the path on the lane
Made with iron and bricks like the step-ladder
At the Intersection, he crossed the Rubicon;
Pun…un! The sound came in a shock-wave,
Nearer and nearer it’s coming
With its big head like a Black Mamba
That swallowed the slaves and their lords
With their hope and dreams
From a faraway land.
He did know he couldn’t cross the path,
When it moved slowly on its cogwheel
With its heavy pregnancy
Until it died.
He walked into its head
And his body was lifted in pieces,
He picked it up to fix it
But his old self had gone;
Every time he saw the snake-vehicle,
It reminded him of his old self.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: The snake vehicle in this poem is a train.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
11 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Lavender
11 months 1 week ago
The Crossroad
Hello, Mr joghe,
Another fascinating poem. I appreciate the snake metaphor, it's both a great visual image and a rather spiritual feeling. I'm not connecting the Rubicon reference and would love to understand more. I am assuming the narrator is possibly at the river in Italy, and the train rouses thoughts and reflections of the dreams and hopes forcefully robbed and taken from slaves in Africa, thus the extraordinary metaphor of the Black Mamba. I feel the sobering response to the train here, especially in the final stanza.
Thank you for this,
L
Mr joghe
11 months ago
Lavender
I wished I was at the river side in Italy when my thought arouse to vividly see the harm of the slave-trade. The poem cut across my heart when I didn't know what to write.
The Rubicon is the limit line for the man to walk