Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Oct 05, 2024
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Cruel Joke
Some older guy bought these kids some beer (Bud).
In the woods while drinking came a thud,
soon showed up the ‘Hoods’ wanting that ‘Bud’.
They came up to them Laughing and joking wanting the goods!
Through half-closed ears (from that beer)
They could barely hear (with snickers and sneers)
“I have a razor, wanna shave their balls?”
“No No No” (that was the end of the party for them all)
So, they staggery run down gravel road (and run some more)
Until safe at one’s back half open screen door.
Those Hoods, they drank all that Budweiser beer
whilst laughing hardy at their cruel joke singing, ‘Bottles on the Wall’.
(You know? 99 bottles of beer on the Wall)
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Cruel Joke" utilizes a narrative style to depict a scene of misadventure and humor. The use of informal language and colloquial expressions adds a sense of authenticity to the story being told.
The poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme. The first stanza follows an AABB rhyme scheme, but this pattern is not maintained in the subsequent stanzas. Consistency in the rhyme scheme could enhance the flow of the poem and make it more engaging for the reader.
The use of parentheses in the poem is somewhat disruptive to the flow of the narrative. While they offer additional information or commentary, they might be better integrated into the main body of the text to maintain a smoother reading experience.
The poem's ending could be more impactful. The reference to the song '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' is a clever touch, but it might be more effective if it were woven into the narrative in a more subtle way.
The poem's theme of a cruel joke could be explored more deeply. The incident is described in a straightforward manner, but there is potential for more nuanced exploration of the characters' emotions and reactions. This could add depth to the poem and make the 'cruel joke' more impactful for the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact