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Oct 25, 2024
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Cupid
The tip of the arrow has a complicated goal,
No interest in her heart but indeed her very soul.
The archer isn’t sure as he retreats back through the mud.
He only knows that in the snow, there’s not a drop of blood.
It was to be an easy shot when he’d planned the whole event,
An arrow cannot be recalled once the bastard has been sent.
Was it love or simply lust that was fuelling his desire,
His mind was playing tricks again, it’s nothing but a liar.
Now he’s back to where it started, to laugh or maybe cry,
Too late now to question it or ask the reasons why.
He reached into his quiver to find another arrow still,
Looking for a second chance he attached fresh new quill.
The timing wasn’t perfect, the wind was picking up,
But the snow beneath his feet was light and very crup.
This time his aim is true and the arrow will obey,
He’ll not be satisfied until he completes the slay.
He pulls back the bowstring and hears the arrow zing,
In his pocket he will carry a golden wedding ring
He’s running through the woods, navigating through the dark,
He finds that this arrow has finally found its mark.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Cupid" explores the inner conflict and uncertainty of the archer as he contemplates the consequences of his actions. The imagery of the arrow aiming for the soul rather than the heart, and the archer's struggle with love versus lust, adds depth to the poem. The use of contrasting elements like snow and blood, and the archer's emotional journey from confusion to determination, creates a compelling narrative.
One suggestion for improvement would be to further develop the emotional turmoil of the archer. You could delve deeper into his conflicting feelings and the reasons behind his actions, adding more layers to his character. Additionally, consider refining the flow of the poem by ensuring a consistent rhythm and meter throughout to enhance the overall reading experience.
Overall, "Cupid" is a thought-provoking piece that captures the complexities of love and desire. Strengthening the emotional depth and refining the structure could further elevate the impact of the poem.
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