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Jan 29, 2025
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Cupiditas Mundi xii
Dead at the fall
Of the lover’s hour
For the sin
Of love
Venus with
A human soul
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Cupiditas Mundi xii" evokes a sense of tragedy and forbidden love through its concise and impactful language. The imagery of death at the "fall of the lover's hour" conveys a sense of finality and loss. The reference to the "sin of love" adds a layer of complexity and perhaps alludes to the idea of love being both beautiful and destructive. The juxtaposition of Venus, the goddess of love, with a "human soul" suggests a merging of divine and mortal elements, blurring the boundaries between the two.
One suggestion for further development could be to explore the themes of love and mortality in more depth. Consider delving into the consequences of this forbidden love or the internal conflict experienced by the characters involved. Additionally, expanding on the imagery and symbolism could enhance the overall impact of the poem.
Overall, "Cupiditas Mundi xii" presents a compelling narrative with room for further exploration and development.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
5 months 2 weeks ago
Hello, John!
Would love to know a bit of history here. Death, sin - this is very intense. I'm also curious as to how you decide to number your pieces, as the last one posted I believe was v. Out of order, randomly? I'll be back after your response. :)
Thank you!
L
Dalton
5 months 2 weeks ago
Hi Lavender
I was thinking of empress Messalina wife of emperor Claudius born around 20 AD executed around 48 AD for bigamously marrying a noble man Gaius Sillius with the mind to usurp and possibly assassinate her first husband. She was around 28-31 at the time of her death. A name synonymous with licentious behaviour and a voraciously insatiable sexual appetite. But as I learn more in my research I judge her as a young woman with high ideals as part of a society when women could only gain power through marriage to a privileged man 95% of the populace would have been slaves and the sensibilities around sexual activities were by far different to our own. Though she was executed possibly in her late 20s she should still be viewed as a young woman in the bloom of her youth with almost a minors values. The final line in my poem is the important factor Venus (goddess of sexual love) the highest of the high as women go but with a human soul as the Greco-Roman gods in my view had no comprehension of human emotions only the sexual games with which they played from Venus and Adonis to Zeus and his variance dalliances with mortal women. They understood the game of love but none of the complexities and depth of our feelings which identify us as the beings we are. In a sense as a human Venus half divine yet with a human heart the seat of our humanity which separates us from all other beings natural or godly. This has nothing to do with my faith and love of the
One God it’s on certain historical characters and my view on the myths of the times
Lavender
5 months 2 weeks ago
Hello, John,
Thank you for helping me appreciate this fully. I will always need the explanation, but truly want it just the same. I'm learning!
L
Candlewitch
5 months 2 weeks ago
Dearest John,
I think your title is too complicated for me, a simple poet. But that does not stop me from relishing the deeply soulful lines of this poem. I would love more...
much love, friend, Cat
Dalton
5 months 2 weeks ago
Hi Dear Cat
It’s part of growing cycle of 15 so far that I’m enjoying title meaning “Lust of the World” roughly from the Latin they’re all there for your reading on All Poetry. I’ve just placed the odd snippet here. Glad you like the poem despite the pompous title. Some of them on Messalina others generally around my studies of Greeco-Roman myth and a tiny bit of history.
Dalton
5 months 2 weeks ago
Dearest Cat
Some a little more saucy than others but I know you can forgive me for that xxx
Dalton
5 months 2 weeks ago
Hi Dear Cat
Emailed you a link to one of my poems another epi in this cycle if you’d be so kind dear friend love John xxx