Earn A Poem Workshop 1

(Read More...)

Cycles of Hell (cat's challenge)

It started with the batting of an eye
A voice that made the heart skip
Touches that made pheramones drip
Spurned into a vicious lie

Slide the blade across your throat
That was all she wrote
Your name in blood
Amidst a sanguine flood

Drawn from the knives left in her back
After all your sneak attacks
Lying lips get far worse than stitches
Next will be all your snitches

Ring around the Roses
Pocket full of Poses
Your body's turned to ashes
Lit it up with gasoline and matches

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Jim Morrison

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

neopoet

1 year 7 months ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Cycles of Hell (cat's challenge)" presents a strong narrative with vivid imagery and a clear emotional resonance. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement.

Firstly, the rhythm and rhyme scheme of the poem seem inconsistent. The first stanza follows an ABAB rhyme scheme, but this is not maintained throughout the poem, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. Consistency in rhyme scheme can help to create a more cohesive and rhythmic piece.

Secondly, the poem could benefit from more nuanced language and metaphor. While the imagery is striking, it is quite direct and literal. Using more subtle and complex metaphors could add depth to the poem and allow for more varied interpretations.

Finally, the poem could benefit from a clearer thematic focus. While the themes of betrayal and revenge are evident, they could be explored in a more nuanced way. This could be achieved by delving deeper into the emotions and motivations of the characters, rather than focusing solely on their actions.

In conclusion, while the poem has a strong narrative and emotional resonance, it could be improved by refining the rhythm and rhyme scheme, using more nuanced language and metaphor, and exploring its themes in a more complex and nuanced way.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

1 year 7 months ago

Dear Carrie,

This response to my challenge is so delicious! Every line building, leading up to a well pitched climax. I love the contrast between Hell's fire delivered in frigid cold precession! I call this a dandy of a poem,it is highly satisfying... every line building up to a killer finish! I cannot choose favorite lines as they are all brilliant and impactful!

thank you for accepting my challenge!
*ever, eddy styx

RoseBlack

1 year 7 months ago

Hi Eddy

Thank you for such high praise. Your challenges are always fun and intriguing. Glad you enjoyed it!

Geezer

1 year 7 months ago

For the most part...

I agree with everything that Cat has said, I do wish that you had paid a bit more attention to the meter. A tale of terror to be sure! ~ Geez.
.

RoseBlack

1 year 7 months ago

Meter

Isn't one of my favorite things. I write to write and sometimes it's hard enough to try and rhyme. I'm glad you liked it despite my affliction with meter.

Unca Fez

1 year 7 months ago

Could Be Mistaken For The Best of eddy

This could easily be mistaken for an eddy styx poem. The poem gives life to a rage that is well justified and has turned a bit insane. The last verse is my favorite, though, as the subject gets a bit giddy with the final result. Well done!