Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
May 31, 2012
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Daisy
Lied to my husband, said I was going to pick daisies
Really I was going to train daisy my new apprentice
That girl is the only one who understands I’m crazy
I must admit this girl is good
I pick the victims
She lures them to the most secluded spot in the wood
As she lures them to a spot that’s remote
I lurk behind them waiting for my chance
My chance to slit the poor fellow’s throat
Then like a present daisy wraps the severed head
To send to his widow
So she will know her husband is dead
She likes the game, I like the gore
We have so much fun
Oh how I love being daisy’s mentor
By Jamie Marie Getz, © 2012, All rights reserved.
→ Show additional poem info
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
weirdelf
13 years 5 months ago
Yummy! It appeals to my morbid sensibilities.
I especially like the freshness, it feels like a picnic or simple friendly outing which greatly enhances the impact.
Just a few minor suggestions. Daisy, her name, capital D.
That girl is the only one who understands I’m crazy.
perhaps instead who understands my predilections, or hobby? Why call yourself crazy? It seems a valid life choice [smiles]
She lures them to the most secluded spot in the wood
As she lures them to a spot that’s remote
this is redundant, especially the repetition of lures.
I lurk behind them waiting for my chance
My chance to slit the poor fellow’s throat
great lines, the repetition of my chance works well here.
So she will know her husband is dead
I'm not sure about this, it is either a weird truism or enhances the sense of naivety.
Thoroughly enjoyed this poem, I can see it as part of a series as you and Daisy develop your methods and techniques. Do you intend to bring in any sense of how the victims are chosen and why?