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Feb 12, 2025
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Dance of fire and hope!
Every bright new moment,
takes me by surprize.
Within a crystal morning
I stand beside your fire!
Grant me seven wishes,
just as I desire.
Let nature play its part
Shooting stars fill the sky!
It's a hot and balmy night.
Fireflies and salamanders
dance to a Scottish dirge
never expecting to be repaid.
On this sacred night
no one will be exempt
from their obligations
to come completely unwound!
Ever so silently the darkness
will pass them by.
In the morning the spell
which has be cast will unwind.
There in the morning light
every living creature will answer the pipers tune!
Feeling the strength of the heat of the night.
Then in the end when all is said and done.
They'll prostrate thir bodies,
broken there in the morning light.
Fearing not a judgement of any kind.
The God's will accept thier offering divine!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I haven't written much as of late, but this is one that just opened up in my mind. My only desire is to access my own freedom. Given some time I expect it to happen. No one can stop it not even the God's. It matters not how it will come to me and I accept full responsibility for any action which may be construed as malign. If in the end I am cast into hell. I will have peace there. even in suffering. If anyone desires to punish or torture me. I'll take it all, I know I'll get my just reward. I do not believe the God's to be so inclined!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
4 months 3 weeks ago
Hello Leslie
great to read you again. What I understand here is that we are responsible for whatever we do, and responsible we are indeed.
Many good lines as my favorite, to point out some,
There in the morning light
every living creature will answer the pipers tune!
Feeling the strength of the heat of the night.
Then in the end when all is said and done.
And I think the last stanza is calling for more attention.
Much appreciate the read
Thank you for sharing.
Ruby Lord
4 months 3 weeks ago
Hi Leslie, I like your poem.
Hi Leslie, I like your poem. It has good flow and kept me interested. My only suggestion is to replace one word in this line. "never expecting to be reimbursed." Can I suggest "repaid" I stumbled a little bit on that word and felt it spoiled the over all look of your work. My suggestion is my opinion, and my opinion may not align with yours but that isn't a problem.
Take care, Ruby xx
Leslie
4 months 3 weeks ago
Ruby,
Thanks for reading this piece. I took your advice and edited the poem. I liked the word repaid better too. Thanks for being a good friend and I hope that your health is good!
Ruby Lord
4 months 3 weeks ago
No problem Leslie, I'm glad i
No problem Leslie, I'm glad i could help. xx
Candlewitch
4 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Leslie,
Your poem bolsters my basic belief in the fact that everyone is responsible for their own actions, and must be accountable. In this line:
which has be cast will unwind. (which has been cast will unwind) a simple error easily corrected.
you are a very wise person. I have known many who could learn from you! my favorite lines are:
Every bright new moment,
takes me by surprize. (surprise)
Within a crystal morning
I stand beside your fire!
it is good to be here to enjoy your writings again!
love, Cat
Leslie
4 months 3 weeks ago
Cat...
Thank you for reading my poem. I read North Country Moon! I thought that it was a very nice piece. Your skills have improved dramatically! I hope to read many more. .Your friendship means alot to me. I have'nt many left!