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Sep 02, 2012
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DARK COUNTRY
Before Faraday came and left
We lit torches, held up candles
Oil lamp led through winding pathways
Darkness hung on the murky night
Passion struck in lightening glare
The earth magnetized, pulled and pushed
Hinted the imminent discharge
Darkness pushed by force of voltage
We built huge dams and gas turbines
To provoke the power of light
As it’s done elsewhere all over
In the advanced world of men
We have a sad situation here
You see, nothing seems to work
Only second-hand flake machines
Imagine the ocean of wasted fuel
Take the cost of running generators
Carbon monoxide pollution
Dancing in heat with mosquitoes
Amongst the world’s proud black people
Our nation’s electric company
Never expect power always
For it holds what it cannot give
A problem has changed its name here
You hear all sorts of acronyms
Echo, Charlie and November
Light candles for ineptitude
Our world is in total darkness
They say you are the giant here
Heart of African Continent
Where I am is a dark country
Searching for light in daylight hours
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Ian.T
12 years 10 months ago
Iboro
A world of sad things that we have no control over.
Well written there in the dark..lol
I am aware of the troubles that a lot of Africa has with power and its production and its distribution.
It is so sad when we see a satellite picture of the world at night, and see all the lights shinning sending out a false message to the viewer, this is where you can become rich, never forget that all those light can be switched of by our friendly sun should it feel to do so then where would we be, lighting candles and Oil lamps as long as the oil lasted, Yours Ian.T
t. reflexion
12 years 10 months ago
Lighting candles and Oil lamps...
in the dark corner where I hide, with black board and charcoal in my hands , I beg the friendly sun to stay on, even at night, to let me write for the appreciation of those who encourage me and give me hope. Thank you and best wishes.
tr
weirdelf
12 years 10 months ago
Your power over your craft is increasing exponentially
Even this poem, where I have advised you before to make your poetry a more personal experience, or a narrative one, is immensely powerful.
I believe you are one of the greatest African poets I have read and if you ever publish I will sell one of my sisters if need be to buy the book [not really, but I might forgo food for a week]
All poetry is political, we only avoid dogma or party lines, and yours speaks such a truth that can not be avoided.
You are no longer my protegee, you have surpassed me as a poet and I am proud.
t. reflexion
12 years 10 months ago
I love to remain your protegee
But for the distance, I would have arranged for classes to meet with you on regular basis. As I can not do this right now, I should endeavor to keep in touch and have your comments whenever you have the time to do so. Your interest in my pieces has help me a lot and I am grateful. I believe there are more to learn from you.
On the political subjects, they creep into my pieces because the environment is littered with abuses human right violations from those entrusted to make things work.
On publishing, I am hoping that one day, these pieces will come out in book forms. Thank you for everything and best wishes.
tr
weirdelf
12 years 10 months ago
of course, I will be with you, as a peer, on Neopoet
and of course your poetry must remain political, see the last comment I left on your other most recent poem. Africa is the digging ground for wealth and labour that both the East and West exploit.
At the end of this year I will be free-er of my own financial binds and might be able to not just visit, but participate in your struggle to stop being the Northern Hemisphere's cheap resource.
With love and solidarity,
t. reflexion
12 years 10 months ago
It will be my greatest moment
To have you in flesh and blood and show you around on a guided tour, then sit in, at least one class session,to learn and say, I have been formally trained as a poet. My hope is alive and better days are coming, thank you and best wishes.
tr
weirdelf
12 years 10 months ago
I still can't commit to this
but I would love to come.