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Nov 06, 2024
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Dark Times
In shadows deep where heartbeats fade,
I wandered lost, my spirit frayed.
No reason given, just silent goodbye,
In the echo of love, I learned to cry.
The weight of memories, a heavy shroud,
In the haze of smoke, I screamed out loud.
Strong beer to drown the tears that fell,
In dark corners, I waged my hell.
Dax’s words whispered, a haunting refrain,
Through the chaos and sorrow, I embraced the pain.
I deleted the past, each photo erased,
Burned his hoodie, felt freedom’s taste.
Necklace shattered, like dreams at dusk,
Each broken piece, a symbol of trust.
Blocked every trace, let silence speak,
In the depths of despair, I found my peak.
With every sunset, the darkness would wane,
I rose from the ashes, reborn from the pain.
Stronger than ever, I learned to reclaim,
My heart, my spirit, no longer the same.
Through dark times I traveled, with courage to find,
The light that was hidden, the strength intertwined.
From the depths of my sorrow, I now share my rhyme,
I made it through darkness, I conquered the climb.
So here’s to the battles, the scars that I wear,
To the lessons in heartbreak, the strength in despair.
With each step I take, I embrace what’s ahead,
For I’ve danced with the shadows, and emerged instead.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: During my darkest times, I found inspiration in the resilience of my spirit. The pain of heartbreak pushed me to confront my deepest fears and embrace my emotions. Music became my solace, guiding me through the chaos, while the act of letting go—burning mementos and deleting memories—freed me to rediscover my strength. Each step forward was a testament to my journey of healing, reminding me that even in darkness, there’s a light waiting to be found.Thank You Neopoet for a platform to share work!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Dark Times" effectively utilizes a consistent rhyme scheme (ABAB) throughout, providing a rhythmic structure that guides the reader. This structure is beneficial in creating a sense of continuity and flow, which is crucial in a narrative poem such as this one.
The poem's theme of overcoming adversity is clear and consistently maintained. The use of metaphors and similes, such as "In shadows deep where heartbeats fade" and "Necklace shattered, like dreams at dusk," adds depth and emotional intensity to the narrative. However, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery to further engage the reader's senses and emotions.
The poem's tone is suitably somber and introspective, fitting the theme of personal struggle and eventual triumph. However, the transition from despair to victory could be more gradual and nuanced to reflect the complexity of the human emotional journey.
The use of the first person perspective effectively conveys the speaker's personal experiences and emotions. However, the poem could benefit from a more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition and to enhance the richness of the narrative.
The poem's ending is uplifting and provides a satisfying resolution to the narrative. However, the final stanza could be more impactful with the use of stronger, more evocative language.
Overall, the poem demonstrates a good understanding of poetic structure, theme, and tone. With further refinement in imagery, vocabulary, and emotional progression, it has the potential to be even more compelling and emotionally resonant.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
7 months 3 weeks ago
Hello Shantie M.,
I can very much relate to your poem, having been through Hell and gotten through it with sanity in tact. I admire this poem, as it is honest and compelling and it ends in triumph of the spirit! the slight problem with the rhyme is in your last two lines:
With each step I take, I embrace what’s ahead,
For I’ve danced with the shadows, and emerged instead.
maybe something like this:
I embrace each and every step I've taken,
for it leads to a warrior's heart not forsaken.
this is just a suggestion and always your choice to do with what you will. I hope to read more of your poetry in the future!
*nice to meet you! Cat
Geezer
7 months 3 weeks ago
I couldn't have...
said it better than Cat. She has hit it on the head! Nice job, I think that no matter what, you will find good advice here.
~ Geezer.
.
Rula
7 months 3 weeks ago
But
Don't these two words rhyme?
Ahead/ instead?
I think they do.
Well written!
Candlewitch
7 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Rula,
you are absolutely right... my head must have been put on backwards! lol!
love, Candle
Geezer
7 months 3 weeks ago
Wait...
One thing strikes me now that I look again. In the fifth stanza, you write:
"With every sunset, the darkness would wane," as I remember it, the word [wane]
means to lessen or give way. If you were to change the word from sunset to sunrise, it would make much more sense. ~ Geezer.
.