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Jun 06, 2025
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Day by day
Day by day
My Father
You keep me alive
Day by day
Here on the planet earth
For 58 years
And I must tell you
That I Iove living
Here on earth
AIso I pray every night
For my Father
I never forget to pray for you
Father
Before you made the earth
You had made the sky
For the birds to fly
AIso you made the birds
With your holy hands
And I must say that the birds
Are beautiful
AIso it is wonderful
To see them flying in the sky
Day by day
When I woke up
This morning early
The sun was out
And it was not hot yet
I know that it will be
Hot at noon
AIso there is no sign
Of rain yet
I took a look at the sky
And that was what I saw
That was what we are having
The heat warning
And that is very bad for people
Who have heart problem and
Asthma
I am very lucky that I have
An air condition
In my bedroom
I have not gone out
Because of the heat
And also the heat
And also the heat
Attracted the bees
I am sleeping in every morning
And I am getting up
At 4:00pm
And I go to my living room
And I am turning my
Computer on
And I do some work
For my Father
All day today
I know that the time is going
Very fast today
Now it was already 10:00PM
At night
I was feeling very tired now
I had turned of my computer
And I went to sleep
The next morning
Was raining finally
I could hear the rain
It was also cooling the earth
I put my rain coat
And I went for a walk
Around the block
So I could get some fresh air
Into my lungs
At 11:00AM I returned back home
And I did some work for my
Father
Using my computer
Also I finished the work for my
Father at 2 am
Now I finally turned the computer
Off
And I went to sleep
The night was made for us to
Sleep
By our Father
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is one my Newest poem Written by me
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 weeks 5 days ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem presents a daily meditation structured around a relationship with a divine "Father," blending gratitude, observation, and routine. The repetition of "day by day" and references to daily activities create a diary-like tone, emphasizing the passage of time and the cyclical nature of existence. The poem's structure is loose and conversational, with enjambment and line breaks that mirror the flow of thought rather than formal meter or rhyme.
There is a clear thematic focus on gratitude for life, nature, and the ability to work and pray. The poem juxtaposes mundane details (heat warnings, air conditioning, computer work) with spiritual reflection, which grounds the abstract in the concrete. This approach can be effective in making spiritual themes relatable, though the transitions between topics sometimes feel abrupt.
The poem’s language is straightforward, almost prosaic, which can lend sincerity but also risks flattening the emotional impact. The repeated use of "AIso" (possibly a typographical error for "Also") and phrases like "And also the heat / And also the heat" create a sense of emphasis but may come across as redundant rather than rhythmic. Consider whether repetition is serving a deliberate stylistic purpose or if it could be refined for greater impact.
The narrative voice is consistent, but the poem could benefit from more vivid imagery or metaphor to deepen the reader's engagement. For example, the description of the rain cooling the earth and the birds flying are moments where sensory detail begins to emerge; expanding on these could enrich the poem’s atmosphere.
The poem’s conclusion circles back to the theme of divine providence, linking the night to rest and the Father’s care. This provides closure but might be strengthened by a more specific or surprising image or insight.
Overall, the poem’s strengths lie in its earnestness and thematic coherence. Further development of imagery, attention to repetition, and refining transitions could enhance its emotional and aesthetic resonance.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
2 weeks 4 days ago
Day by Day
Hello, Poetaldo,
This is a very personal, amiable conversation. Simple language and appreciation for daily life and all the wonder it holds. Though I understand each word is important to the meaning of the poem, you may want to pare it down just a bit. The feeling of sincerity is strong and clear.
Thank you!
L