riotface97

Jul 29, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Daydreaming.

I went away for awhile;
cloud-soaked loneliness,
microwaveable dinners for two.

False adaptations, recreations,
wearing people out.
Like Vuitton-heeled girls,
wearing ankle-high socks.

Embrace foreign-tongued truths
with a German named Laura.
She’s magnificent.

There’s buskers on the sidewalk
they sing of something, soft and sweet,
about a group of boys off to war.
Throw them a penny with a two-headed Queen,
worthless yet unique.

Cheap pills are traded
by the corner store
in games of recreational stimulant, Russian roulette.

And at night it’s all wonderful.
And the streets are wonderful
and the cobblestone paths,
and the women,
and the street lamps,
and the bars,
and the cheap drinks,
and the cheap sex,
and the expensive drinks,
and the draining sex,
and the fresh-cut cocaine snorted off the top of a hostel bunk,
and feeling alive,
all of it is wonderful.

For now, at least.
For now.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Not much to say about this one... hoping it speaks for itself. Thanks for reading, Nick.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Plath (I know, slightly concerning), E. E. Cummings, Tagore, Eliot

Comments

jane210660

7 years 11 months ago

I'm surprised this hasn't had feedback yet.

Site is busy, so it may have got overlooked.
Can't pretend I've totally been in these shoes, but you've captured an atmosphere, a feeling, extremely well in my opinion. Some great imagery, does Vuitton make heels though or is that part of the conflict?
I like the repetition, short, snappy, effective.
A good write. I enjoyed.
Jx
Just googled, yes Vuitton does make heels. You can guess I don't own a pair!
Jx

riotface97

7 years 11 months ago

Thanks Jane,

Love that it captured an atmosphere, that's what I was aiming to do with the piece. Thank you for the kind words,

Nicholas.

lovedly

7 years 11 months ago

and.. and .and

microwaveable
you, I and Shakespeare
are creators of newer words

soonly... muchleee we shall add
morely

you and I
as we sweep across the malls
and
see gals trip on Vuitton what heels
share your experience
anyone's decision
what can be our contribution
in our rare views
rendition
coming from an Aussie!
will be lovely

riotface97

7 years 11 months ago

Thanks Lovedly,

Not sure what our contribution will be, or is, but I (and I assume the sentiment is shared) love the form of poetry and believe, however naively, that regardless of the point of it all that art exists in it's own right, and it's an honour to even be able to create such a thing. Thank you once again for the lovely feedback,

Nicholas.

lovedly

7 years 11 months ago

grateful kindness and thanks

It's a pleasure knowing and reading you
at times my messages are slants
hope you will decipher intelligently

you may sms pm me

AUSSIES DOWN UNDER I KNOW SO MANY
now also ye

jane210660

7 years 11 months ago

I see you've edited

much improved,, in fact poetry itself.
Jx

jane210660

7 years 11 months ago

Oh for gods sake

Lovedly, give it a bloody rest.
Sex is mentioned in the poem, in context, no problem whatsoever.
You have to try and drag out the gory details, as well as asking very personal questions.
You are obsessed with bloody sex, distastefully so.

lovedly

7 years 11 months ago

obsessionn

obscured ma'am
thanks for the whip

brittle light

7 years 11 months ago

this is good,

this is good,
everywhere interesting, top to bottom
engaging images
slightly aloof cool
and a je ne sais quoi charm

Yeah!
.....