Dazzle

Her eyes dazzle
Like the stars
Her voice is coated in moon light
Her face
Oh, her beautiful face
I can’t begin to explain
My insides turn to mush when I see her
Think about her

I just want to know her
To hear her voice
To see her face
To braid her hair
To talk with her
To love her

Why can’t I write a poem that’s not about her?

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Canada

Comments

c lynn brooks

5 years 5 months ago

hmmm

your poem in my opinion is a bit lacking in substance
for example I would use a word oter than slime as obviously this is a love poem and detracts from that emotion
your 2nd stanza is only a repetition of the first
with a little more deeper thought I think you may come up with a better write

Edna Sweetlove

5 years 5 months ago

I have to agree...

...that "slime" is the wrong word. How about "acid"? Or whatever. Anything but slime. UGH!

Hannah Moonlark

5 years 5 months ago

Thanks

Thanks for the feedback