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Apr 29, 2022
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Dead Inside
Forty years
Nothing to show
All my adulthood fears
Time to let go
Hold me down
Chain around my neck
Pulling tighter
Til I feel it crack
No blood to bleed
I'm dead inside
My soul cries for reprieve
My heart wants to hide
Hold me down
Come closer yet
Know your name
Was on my last breath
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 2 months ago
Having seen...
many dead bodies, makes me want to shout, watch out! The story reeks of madness and tragedy, there should be a shallow grave in the backyard. I get the feeling that you will be strong enough to manage another shovel full or two. Pat it down carefully and new sod over it and they'll never know! Nice work, sorry that the tale hangs heavy on you. I get the feeling that
the last straw is not far away. My favorite lines:
"Hold me down
come closer yet
Know your name
was on my last breath"
Nothing I would change here, Great stuff!
~ Geez.
.
RoseBlack
3 years 2 months ago
Thank you Gee
I value your opinion and am glad you enjoyed this. I may not post often but the wheels are always turning. The last straw is imminent as the story goes. Relief from the inner pain and turmoil. Thanks again for the insight and praise.
Candlewitch
3 years 2 months ago
dear Rose Black,
I can completely empathize with your tale, for many times I have felt this for myself. It isn't an easy thing to face. my favorite lines are:
Hold me down
Come closer yet
Know your name
Was on my last breath
it is inspired and inspiring!
*hugs, Cat
RoseBlack
3 years 2 months ago
Thank you Cat
Thank you for understanding and as always for your valued opinion and critique. The feelings are certainly strong and writing is a safe outlet to let them out.
Candlewitch
3 years 2 months ago
dear Rose Black,
absolutely right. writing is the best outlet for expression, in my humble opinion!
*hugs, Cat