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Nov 30, 2024
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Dear, dad
I want to thank you for all the empty promises,
for the hot air full of birthday wishes.
Living vicariously through daddy-daughter dates
how I wondered how it felt to be daddy’s princess,
to be the apple of your eye: your first concern and interest
is something I desperately yearned for.
I want to thank you for giving mom love
with your violent, fistful hug.
Where I saw smiles, you gave indifferent shrugs.
Where I saw kindness and affection, you gave dishonesty and mistrust.
If speaking was a form of communication, silence was echoed in our house.
We were different from others.
Primary school was my solace,
I kept away from boys; trauma is a dark place.
‘Fake it till you make it’, I put on my happy face.
Reading was my favourite escape.
The screeching arguing, that always escalated.
I matured before my prime, my childish state eaten.
High school was my slow internal detonation.
A withering flower, I was nearing self-destruction.
We spoke less and less, there was no connection.
I slept more and more, drowning in depression.
Self-loathing, I fed myself to a slice of masochism,
telling myself I’d never become a victim.
You’ve taught me independence and resilience,
Like a Hitler recruit I fought with resistance
not to be filled with hate, anger and impatience.
I can see unrequited love with no compassion.
And when I do, it’s to you I give salutation.
Thank you, dad.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 4 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Dear, dad" delves into complex emotions and experiences, exploring themes of unfulfilled expectations, familial struggles, and personal growth. The imagery and metaphors used throughout the poem effectively convey the speaker's feelings of longing, disappointment, and eventual acceptance.
One suggestion for further enhancing the poem could be to consider varying the rhythm and structure to create more impact and flow. Experimenting with line breaks, stanza lengths, or even incorporating different poetic forms could add depth and nuance to the emotional journey being depicted.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from further development of certain themes or moments to provide a more cohesive narrative arc. For example, expanding on the speaker's reflections on resilience and independence, or delving deeper into the complexities of their relationship with their father, could offer a more comprehensive exploration of the central ideas.
Overall, "Dear, dad" is a poignant and introspective piece that effectively captures the speaker's emotional evolution in the face of challenging circumstances. Further refining the structure and
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
William Lynn
6 months 2 weeks ago
Hello Angie.
Hello Angie.
Congratulations on winning the Neopoet poem of the week. Richly deserved!
Your well expressed narrative is a poignant reminder to all about the issues of family violence and neglect. I applaud you for the courage to share your pain and your story and I pray for your continued vision, courage, and healing through poetry.
All my best wishes, Will
Angie S
6 months 2 weeks ago
Misery does not love company
Hello, Will (I hope you don't mind me shortening it)
Your words bring comfort to the little girl in me, thank you very much.
I hope to dig deeper within myself as I gradually find my voice in this wonderful platform.
Angie S
Ruby Lord
6 months 2 weeks ago
I think your poem is a true
I think your poem is a true reflection of the turmoil you suffered as a child at your father's command. It reminded me so much of my own, which I have also written about on here.
Your word choice and structural phrasing are far better than mine and I love the implied details in your clever narrative.
"I want to thank you for giving mom love
with your violent, fistful hug."
Congratulations, I just had to reach out and tell you, what a strong woman you are. Ruby xxx :)
Angie S
6 months 2 weeks ago
I foresee a collab
Hi Ruby,
This was a tough one to post,so thank you so much for the words of encouragement.
I think our biggest fear is not being misunderstood, it's being understood
I hope we can work on something together, I have a feeling it would be a masterpiece.
Angie S
Ruby Lord
6 months 2 weeks ago
Oooh that sounds like a
Oooh that sounds like a cunning plan ha ha and I think I would love it. If you want to chat send me a private message. As we are in different time zones, it may take a bit of organisation and time, but I'm up for it.
Tough ones can be the hardest but once they're written, there's no going back.
Take care, Ruby xxx :)