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The Dear Deer... [Rhyme Pattern Workshop]

As I sit upon the ground
I watch the fog in field
Not much to see, as I look around
Until the mist begins to yield

Now, I see a herd of hooves
A dozen heads and nibbling lips
I'm very careful not to move
Though there's a pain in my hip

Heads with twitching, swivel ears
Dip to pull the grass
Then back up to disappear
In the fog that dewdrops cast

The sun begins to heat the earth
The grey does slowly fade
My patience is rewarded...worth
The effort that I've made

Now, the deer are staring hard
They're nervous, stamping in the sward
What is that there, in their yard?
It's only me... the silent bard

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 4 months ago

Didn't notice...

but managed to find a couple for you. Makes it seven now.
~ Geez.
.

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 4 months ago

Thank you...

Glad that you liked it. It was a true experience. I waited until they were all looking directly at me [ they had trouble seeing me]
and then I moved and they raised their little white flags and stampeded away! Funny, how they have trouble seeing anything that doesn't move! ~ Geez.
.

S

scribbler

4 years 4 months ago

I was

once up a huge oak tree about 30' off the ground. About daylight the fog rolled in and I could hear the deer walking around under me eating acorns and blatting at one another. After a while they moved off without my ever seeing them.A very accurate poem

Triskelion

Triskelion

4 years 1 month ago

This, I can

appreciate. Although I don't have a critique for it, I believe in credit where credit is due. It is quite a nice poem.

Thomas

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 1 month ago

Thank you...

Reading with fresh eyes, I realize that it needs work. I will let it settle for just a little more, but I am going over some other older things that I haven't looked at in some time. Funny, how time seems to clear the eyes. ~ Geez.
.

Triskelion

Triskelion

4 years 1 month ago

Agreed

Time does bring fresh focus
Cheers, Geezer

Thomas