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Mar 23, 2025
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Death of A Sister
Sadness occurred on this last fatal day
Often without the words we failed to say
We all watched as nature fulfills its toll
Often wishing we had found a better role
We start to review this terrible week
Hoping to be able to hear her speak
A sister plagued from the day she was born
Filled with pain and suffering that we mourn
She lived her life with all the choices she made
Even after we offered her our aide
We said our prayers hoping she could hear
Knowing that death was now ever so near
The Rosary prayed to avoid death
Upon the last words she took her last breath
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider clarifying the emotional complexity of the relationship with the sister. Currently, the poem primarily expresses regret and sadness, but it could benefit from more specific imagery or concrete details about the sister's life or personality. Lines such as "A sister plagued from the day she was born" and "Filled with pain and suffering that we mourn" are quite general; consider providing more vivid examples or memories to deepen the reader's understanding of her struggles and character. Additionally, the rhyme scheme and rhythm are consistent, but at times the rhyme feels forced (e.g., "aide" and "made"). Revising these lines to feel more natural could strengthen the poem's emotional impact. Lastly, the final couplet referencing the Rosary is powerful, but it might benefit from additional context or imagery that connects more directly to the sister's personal experience or the family's relationship with faith.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
3 months ago
Upon...
reading this, I was struck by the thought; that it marched straight-ahead across the page, as though, it was a report that was given without much emotion, maybe just as duty. I suspect that having been sick a long time, and in suffering; that this would be a relief as was alluded to, in lines eight through ten. However, you feel about her death, I wish you peace with it.
I still don't know how to feel about this, only to say that I was touched. ~ Geez.
.
Clentin
3 months ago
Thank you for your comments.
Thank you for your comments. Her death was not anticipated. Sad to say the least. We were taken back but at the same time knew she had been sick for some time.
Candlewitch
3 months ago
Dear Clentin,
It is my fervent hope that she finally found peace after such a formidable battle.
major hugs, Cat xxx
Clentin
3 months ago
Thanks Cat, I really
Thanks Cat, I really appreciate your reading my poems and your comments
RoseBlack
2 months 4 weeks ago
Very sorry
For your loss. May she have found peace on the other side.
Clentin
2 months 4 weeks ago
Thank you very much Rose!
Thank you very much Rose!
Punkyfrewster
1 month ago
Clentin,
Such a sad circumstance! My sympathies are with you.
Clentin
1 month ago
Thank you !
Thank you !