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Jan 20, 2025
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Dedication to the man who saw right through me
I sent an email to him
Telling him
That he not only rented space in my brain,
He owned it,
And he did.
The way I am today
Is all due to Bruce.
My calm,
My ability to act and just be
Is all on him.
He would be embarrassed,
At all this gushing
About him.
But I'm not.
I know what he did for me
And I am eternally grateful.
He saw my bad habits,
My restlessness,
My insomnia,
My bad judgements
About myself,
All that.
He made me choose
To walk on the right path
For me.
I'm now seeing the consequences
Of this.
I'm in the now,
I'm into self care,
I'm into meditation,
I'm up to relaxation massage,
I'm enjoying my food
And it tastes good!
This is just the beginning of my "to do" list.
There is more to come.
I dedicate this poem
To the man I call "My Superman",
Who gave me
The greatest gift of all -
He gave me back my life.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: There is another version of this poem, but it is a little too raw and emotional for me to share it on Neopoet, as yet. I decided to stream this poem, a dedication to my therapist, Bruce, whom I have mentioned before in some other verses that I have written, for the major role he had in getting me back to a much better condition than I had been for some time. On the day I decided to consult him, I knew that I needed to do something to get myself back. Little did I know how deep that consulting his expertise would be. I still feel the effect he had on me at every moment in my daily life. I am so thankful and so grateful for his professional competence and how he has changed my life so profoundly. I am using my creative mind to express my gratitude to him.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Your poem "Dedication to the man who saw right through me" beautifully captures the transformative impact someone can have on another's life. The imagery of renting space in your brain and owning it effectively conveys the profound influence this person, Bruce, had on you. The progression from acknowledging your flaws to embracing self-care and mindfulness is well portrayed.
One suggestion for improvement would be to explore more vivid and specific descriptions to enhance the emotional depth of the poem. For example, you could delve deeper into the specific moments or actions of Bruce that led to your transformation, providing readers with a clearer picture of your journey.
Additionally, consider varying the structure or rhythm of the poem to create a more dynamic flow. This could help engage the reader further and emphasize the emotional highs and lows of your experience.
Overall, your poem effectively conveys gratitude and personal growth, and further development in imagery and structure could enhance its impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
5 months 3 weeks ago
Great poem...
for a person that made a difference in another's life. We all should have someone like that. The world would be a lot better place if there were more of those type. Actually, I was thinking that it was a eulogy; is it? ~ Geezer.
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The Gogetter
5 months 3 weeks ago
No, not a euology
Hi Geezer. Not a eulogy. Bruce was my therapist and he got me out of dark period of my life. He did his stuff absolutely brilliantly, which is why he features so heavily in many of my poems. He made me realize that I was wasting time in beating myself up all the time. I did say that there was another version of this poem, but it is just so personal, that I could not stream it. I read it to myself instead. I journal quite frequently about the experience I had with him. This was the first time I had ever done something like this, so it really felt like a breakthrough for me. I always considered myself to be such a rational person, but I have abandoned that thought . It is refreshing just to let it rip and use the creative side of your mind. It improves your mental capacity and clears your mind.
Geezer
5 months 3 weeks ago
I agree...
When I haven't written in a while, or at least something I feel good about, my mind is in a fog. I'm currently waiting for one of my characters to finish up a story. Once Killer is done, I will refine it and post. - Geezer.
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