Lavender

Dec 16, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Deer

There are three females,
coats thick and dark
against the fresh snow.

First the serviceberry bushes,
then the winter ground
feel the gentle wave
of their tongues
as they search for food -

feast of sustenance
during a time of
stark and bare days.

I watch from my window
as one bolts her eyes toward me,
head held high, white tail poised.
She continues to forage the ground
as a male cardinal alights on an empty limb.

***

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Billy Collins, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Lavender

4 years 6 months ago

Hello, Teddy

Just like the woods and trees, deer change from season to season. It's so wonderful to watch them during this time of year. Their coats are much heavier and darker - beautiful. Poem-worthy!
Thank you, Teddy, for your kind comment!
L

Lavender

4 years 6 months ago

Hello, Alan

I have been reading a little poetry by William Carlos Williams who breaks up his stanzas in this way quite a bit. Thought I'd give it a try. I believe you are correct - this piece doesn't seem to flow naturally, though. I will tidy it up! :) Thank you so much for your keen insight and help!
L

scribbler

4 years 6 months ago

Hello

A very accurate snippet of nature. I actually feed and plant food plots for wildlife. And I sit on stand and watch far more deer than I harvest. I'd likely not harvest any but the population around here is on verge of getting out of hand. As to stanzas....perhaps using them as if they are paragraphs would help?

Lavender

4 years 6 months ago

Hi, Stan

Writing about such things centers me. Most of us in the neighborhood have taken to feeding the deer, also, if nothing more than to keep them from straying outward to busy traffic. The original poem was separated in stanzas of three lines each, with one final line standing alone. I edited since Alan's suggestion, but maybe still not flowing? Thank you for your help!
L

VanRyan

4 years 6 months ago

Hi Lavender;

Hi Lavender;
nice nature poem. I never seriously thought about hunting or killing for sport. why should one? Meat counters are already stocked with choice meats. I enjoy target shooting with bow and arrow, rifle, and my trusty revolvers--oh yeah--once I nailed a large roach on the paper target at 50 feet, which drew some laughter from my buddies who suggested I should mount it in my trophy room. Yours,
Val

Lavender

4 years 6 months ago

Hello, Van

So much to just simply sit back and observe within nature!
Sounds like you have sharp eye!
Thank you for reading!
Lavender

Geezer

4 years 6 months ago

A great scene...

Very realistic and something that everyone should experience at least once in a lifetime. My only criticsm is that I would use [rolls] instead of [bolts] her eyes at me. {Bolts make me think of a mechanical/Frankenstein deer like you find on people's lawns in the holiday season. ~ Geez.
.

Lavender

4 years 6 months ago

Hi, Geezer!

I will think over your suggestion - I definitely want the image of a sudden, quick action. You always bring valuable insight to consider, and I thank you very much!
L

Geezer

4 years 6 months ago

Maybe...

She rolls her eyes toward me, ready to bolt?
~Geez.
.

Lavender

4 years 6 months ago

I see what you mean...

...I'll think it through a bit!
Thanks, Geezer!
L