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Feb 14, 2012
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A Desert So Heavenly
Senryu
Vanilla ice cream
Mouthwatering cake on top
Blueberry circle
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Barbara Writes
13 years 5 months ago
Mark
getting the image to show
is what i wanted
glad it did even if
"images of little eyes standing around hungry, looking, wanting."
is what came through lol.
this dessert looked so good
i didnt wanna eat it
because its beauty would have been no more
but then, its taste was as good as its beauty
its taste still lingers in my mouth
yummy
Barbara Writes
13 years 5 months ago
ambiguity
Glad you think vagueness in the last line is a good feature
I trier to find a line of 5 syllable
To describe the blueberries place in a ciecle around the bowl place in the ice cream
Barbara Writes
13 years 5 months ago
, oh okay
glad its clear. i run the risk of sounding ignorant but, what do you mean by ambiguity
Barbara Writes
13 years 5 months ago
Mark
thanks for explaining. i see it from your perspective too.