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Kammy O.
Kammy O.
Oct 25, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Deserted streets

Walking along the pathway
Silence is all you hear
Tumbleweed carried by the wind
It's as if rapture occurred

Scorching sunshine
Parched lips and dry throat
What you get as a reward
Is dust-filled ear drums

As the journey draws further
All your hope bent on finding water
Energy drained away
All you could do is pray

Sanity reversed with insanity
Starting conversations with tumbleweeds
The sky wonders if you're okay
Hunger wiped your senses

Collapsing on the floor
Burying your face in the sand
All hope is lost
In this deserted land

About This Poem

Last Few Words: The poem is about a man walking along the silent streets of the desert. No one is able to come to his aid.The sunshine sends down terrible heat that makes his throat dry and parched. He also has ear drums filled with dust. He has a long way to go and he hopes to find so!e water. He has no strength left in him. He has now gone crazy and talks to tumbleweeds. The sky is concerned about his safety. Hunger makes him delusional. He collapses on the floor, all his hope is lost on the barren deserted land.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Enugu, Nigeria

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 8 months ago

I can...

almost see, the scenario being a hallucinating man, speaking to the sky, the tumbleweeds and a specter called hunger.
It could be that these are just symptoms of madness, and he hallucinates about these conditions, because he is going crazy.
The dust-filled eardrums can be about the truth he does not hear, the scorching sun in the sky, a blindness to the stark reality
of his situation and his dry throat and parched lips, can be the denial of relief and the pangs of hunger for safety, unfulfilled.
A very good piece, no matter the beginning. I see the this as an awakening. Nice job! ~ Geezer.
.

Jackweb

Jackweb

2 years 8 months ago

The drought

I can envisage a persisting season of drought taking place. And that's the most uncomfortable time humanity do experience.
The beauty of poetry lie in the usage of words. Excellent!!
.

Rosewood Apothecary

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 8 months ago

It’s a very on point poem

I read the poem which brought visions of classic Hollywood scenes and the animated cartoons of my youth. This is a desperate situation. You’ve really painted an accurate but frightening image. Some one rescues him of course because it’s ambiguous and that’s how I want it to end as a reader but I can go either way can’t it?

Nice job,
Tim