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May 30, 2023
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Devotion
I grow weary of the pain
Oh, how I long for surcease
For I know that there is only increase
With nothing more to gain.
Responsibility is my only anchor
For I cannot abandon those who depend
By taking the road to an easy end
For me, that cannot be the answer.
These responsibilities upon which I ponder
Accepted them all most lovingly
I find their purpose, lost unwittingly
And know their price is one I’ll honor.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 years ago
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Candlewitch
2 years ago
dear Steven,
it is a long and winding road we have traveled to get to where we are today. before I met you, i had no idea that honorable people like you existed. I am so glad that we met. neither of us knew of the pains we were to realize. but the pleasure has been worth the pains!
*love & hugs, (the) Cat
p.s.
I really like this poem...
Unca Fez
2 years ago
A Long Road, Indeed
It has been a journey that neither of us could have predicted, and not all of it was fun, but I would not have missed a minute of it because I shared this journey with you.
All my love.
Lavender
2 years ago
Responsibilities
Listed as free verse, but there is an unusual rhyme pattern here. Unique! Your words are tender, soulful, vulnerable and faithful. It feels as if the title should be "Devotions" as there is so much dedication pouring out of the poem.
Thank you!
L
Unca Fez
2 years ago
Thank you!
The rhyme pattern was intentional, but I didn't know what to call it. The last time I studied any poetic structure was in high school (class of 1968). If I learned anything about it then, it is long forgotten. The reason for the title being "Responsibilities" is that is where things start when the longing to be free of the pain gets strong. It is only when remembering where these "responsibilities" came from and why they are there does the realization come that they are much more than just responsibilities.
If I were to change the title, "Devotions" would be a good choice.
Ruby Lord
2 years ago
Hi Steve, your poem was
Hi Steve, your poem was enjoyable and easy to read but, I had to look up the word "surcease" I guessed it was cease but I didn't know it was a reference to pain and suffering. Well done I learnt a new word and felt your message well delivered in the lines. Ruby :)
Unca Fez
2 years ago
Thanx!
It just seemed to fit well there. Glad you enjoyed reading it.
RoseBlack
2 years ago
Responsibilities
A really good write...good flow and I like the whole concept of the poem. We all have responsibilities and some we will be grateful for in the end. Great job as always.
Unca Fez
2 years ago
Thank you!
I appreciate your compliments. This one started out as a vague concept and I had to work at it to get it to say what I wanted. I did have help from the master poet that I live with, so I cannot take all the credit. I am glad, though, that you enjoyed it.
Seren
2 years ago
Dear Uncle Fez
I can feel the pressures of life creeping in but also the devotion, I agree with Lavender this poem should be titled Devotion/s, it's a beautiful telling of a life lived with someone you love, there will always be ups and downs in life, but I hear and feel the love. Beautiful rhythm and a lovely poem.
Well done!!
Hugs Lilbit xxx
Unca Fez
2 years ago
Thank you!
I appreciate the feedback and will update the title.