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Did I say Goodbye?
Ours was a love so promising in prospects,
We shared and bared,
Tales of old and stories of hope.
It was a bridged chasm and anchored for the mile.
If I could do the favours,
I played with words,
Proved my love,
Still love ne'er was enough.
You were desirable to the eyes,
Irresistible to the flesh,
The delight of lust,
The desire of most.
You're the one that's gone,
The foregone bone of one's bone,
Had expectations overtaken plans,
You would've birthed my children.
Your absence bid me bye,
No closing formalities,
Nil parting words,
But did I say goodbye?
Our meeting couldn't be,
We communed in media and alias platforms,
Alas the consummation fell short,
I'm alleged to be at fault.
But life still runs it's course,
Perchance que sera sera,
While graciously I stride my chosen path,
My question endures, 'Did I say goodbye?
©Uchenna Ozoekwe
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
raj
6 years 11 months ago
Hi Mike
a pretty eloquent soliloquy about haunting thoughts after parting with a loved one ...i liked the very appropriate use of que sera sera a popular song of the past era..
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gregwa8
6 years 11 months ago
a sad and sweet look at a
a sad and sweet look at a parting. there's a cool The National song that asks the question, "the day i die, the day i die, where will we be?" Not sure if this poem is about death or separation, but I've wondered that about people that I care about.
greg
weirdelf
6 years 11 months ago
This is gorgeous prosody and language use,
eloquent and explicit content without falling into the traps of cliche and sentimentality.
That is actually a grand achievement when dealing with the subject of love, congratulations.
Often the best critique I can offer is my own live reading, where you can hear through your own ears how others perceive your work.
https://vocaroo.com/i/s0MLsX5pFFCb