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Jul 31, 2019
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On the difficulty of composition whilst on a train
Lost in a tunnel, I might have seen
That vision once given, may well begin
To seek out a light, that once belonged
To a train coming for us headlong
On a phone as a stranger, in a once known land
Forgive all my errors, please understand
That damn near impossible tasks
Demand - all I can summon
In my current command.
Of sneering devices, devoid of touch
My only hope is that one as such
Repeats a slow mantra that all can see,
Give me pad, pen and paper
Set me free.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Written on a train - with a dodgy old Android. I have been travelling in Europe, hence the absence. Hopefully you can relate. C
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
5 years 11 months ago
Yes, I can...
My laptop battery is shot, so I don't take it out much and my phone is just too small to work with for writing; so I jot down ideas for poems on paper [sometimes napkins or scraps of paper bags]!
I can't relate to traveling by train anywhere, let alone out of the country though. I like the rhyme, although the scansion is somewhat ragged. I would suggest that you add or subtract a word or two here and there and it will sing itself to you. Good to hear that you are having a good time traveling and hope you get plenty of ideas to write poetry about! Nice hearing from you. ~ Geezer.
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vandiemenspeak
5 years 11 months ago
Thanks Geezer..
It will get a tidy up with a firmly held pen, on solid ground (that's not rocking about). :)
Cheers.
Chris.