weirdelf

Nov 27, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

dis-assemblage

i am dis-assembling my life,
it makes perfect sense.
for ten years i’ve known it’s time to die

and so,
each day
i remove a little contact,
one less phone call,
no invitations,
more brusque replies,
even more brutality and abuse,
to those I love,
to let go.

then i will have to sort
all the stuff for the dump,
all the stuff for charity
all the books to be chosen from
by my friends,
which will be my wake.

then just hang around
till i can get a gram of heroin,
without getting ripped off
again.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is not about suicide, but perhaps is about behaviour I can't otherwise explain.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Geremia

13 years 7 months ago

You wrote POETRY. Jess, this

You wrote POETRY. Jess, this is beyond what I expected. BRAVO , oh yes!!!!!

weirdelf

13 years 7 months ago

No. YOU did it. The poem is you. Strong sentiments without maudlin sentimentality..Direct and to the point- emotion without emotionalism.This is awesome.Perfect rythm and cadence between content and form..

Joe

weirdelf

13 years 7 months ago

thank you

Joe
.
.
.

scribbler

13 years 7 months ago

hello

The despair within comes through clearly. I wouldn't feel right without leaving 2 suggestions though.
l-10 might consider changing pack to seperate for accuracy if doing so doesn't change your intent
structurally , if you left a blank line before last line, I think it would add impact
just a few ideas to smoke over.........stan

weirdelf

13 years 7 months ago

mate, your critique is invaluable

but your transmission of ideas to poem.... well I don't understand it.

Which line in my poem is l-10 ?

scribbler

13 years 7 months ago

sorry

Too lazy to capitalize I guess L-10= line 10

weirdelf

13 years 7 months ago

got it, good suggestion

but I like the sound and finality of the word pack.

the_fool

13 years 7 months ago

felt it

i really connected to this piece for personal reasons. very moving and well written.
thx elf.

weirdelf

13 years 7 months ago

you are really going to have to give me another name to call you

how can I say "thanks, fool"?
Thanks TF

wesley snow

13 years 7 months ago

You're right about him needing a different name.

You say "thanks fool" and too many of us will say "you're welcome".
I could have read this poem anywhere and known it was yours. Of course I don't like the form, but the content is so freaking original I will have to swipe it.
"All we're doing is trying to find something to do while we're waiting around to die." (Snow)
That little statement I've used for years would have given me a poem if I had thought to use it. Yours will have to go in my archives. Several suggestions above. Since this is older now and now one will likely notice, I say ignore them all. The thing is awesome as is.
wesley

weirdelf

13 years 3 months ago

"Of course I don't like the form"

Sure, Wesley, but how could I have said this any other way?

If I made it a sonnet, or some other form, the form precedes the meaning.

It may seem a contradiction to many that I, a committed free-form writer, run all the workshops on form.

It is because I believe I can only write the purity of verse I do by having previously learned form.

wesley snow

13 years 3 months ago

I don't think it's a contradiction at all.

I see deliberate "form" in everything you write. Every bit as much as mine. The difference might only be that it is a tad more difficult to find a handy, pre cut name to go with the form.
wesley

weirdelf

13 years 2 months ago

that is a fine compliment, thank you

one day you might catch up [grins very cheekily]

wesley snow

13 years 2 months ago

Jess, if I catch up...

... you'll no longer be pulling me along.
wesley

Candlewitch

13 years 2 months ago

Dear Jess,

I like the word "pack" too! It seems to finalize the act. " Separate" seems too clinical. The content did not strike me as a suicide note. It hit me as a practical assessment of ones life up to this point. These lines struck a deeper cord:

then just hang around
till i can get a gram of heroin,
without getting ripped off
again.

I have no suggestions, just appreciation for the work.

always, Cat (& eddy)

Ian.T

13 years 2 months ago

Jess

I liked this one, it reminded me of the things I am doing each day as I grow older.
Sorting out giving away tidying up my affairs (Would have preferred affairs of the heart not paperwork)
The theme was well written I wonder if we all start doing this as the Winter creeps up on us, Yours, for a while yet, Ian.T