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This poem is part of the contest:

07/25 Renovated Quill

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Disposable Quill

Cast aside,
Like nasty smell,
That bothersome quill,
With messy ink.

Scratchy, teeth on edge,
Troublesome contraption.
Did clever mind, rescue me?
By creative invention.

Another tool to replace.
A lesser possession.
As cheap as chips,
Quite the steal.

And never mind,
The groaning planet.
Better pennies saved,
Than ecological persuasion.

Yet now that bitter pill,
Might make me ill.

Messy ink, or living hell?
As I hold my head.
Brain cells whirl,
Oh stop the pain!

Try as I might
To cover my ears
Muting the groans,
Won't silence cries.

But maybe a gag,
Tightly bound.
Could be the pill,
To stifle issues.

So we won't care,
Despite our despair.

As time goes fast,
And it's forgotten.
Reusable quill,
Wasn't the problem.

That fateful day
We disposed of Quill.
As time bomb ticks,
A stroke from our disaster.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Coventry, England, GBR

Favorite Poets: Michael Rosen , Rudyard Kipling , Pam Ayres , Benjamin Zephaniah

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

2 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem employs the metaphor of the "disposable quill" to interrogate themes of disposability, environmental neglect, and the psychological cost of convenience. The quill, once a tool of creativity and permanence, is contrasted with its disposable, modern counterpart, suggesting a broader critique of consumer culture and its environmental consequences.

The structure is composed of short stanzas, often two to four lines, which creates a sense of fragmentation and urgency. This mirrors the poem’s subject: the fragmentation of values and the rushed pace at which society discards the old for the new. The language is direct, with phrases like “cheap as chips” and “better pennies saved / Than ecological persuasion” grounding the poem in contemporary idiom and highlighting the tension between economic and ecological priorities.

The poem’s rhetorical questions (“Did clever mind, rescue me? / By creative invention.”) invite the reader to consider whether technological progress is truly beneficial or simply another form of self-deception. The recurring motif of “messy ink” serves as both a literal annoyance and a symbol of the mess left behind by careless consumption.

There is a shift in tone in the latter stanzas, moving from external critique to internal struggle (“Brain cells whirl, / Oh stop the pain!”). This transition effectively dramatizes the psychological toll of ignoring environmental warnings, culminating in the image of a “gag, / Tightly bound,” which suggests willful ignorance or suppression of conscience.

The final stanzas return to the theme of time and memory, with the “reusable quill” serving as a symbol of lost sustainability. The closing lines—“As time bomb ticks, / A stroke from our disaster”—effectively tie the metaphor back to the poem’s opening, reinforcing the sense of impending consequence.

Areas for further development include clarifying some of the figurative language. For example, the connection between the “bitter pill” and the environmental theme could be made more explicit, as could the metaphorical relationship between the quill and broader ecological issues. Additionally, some lines rely on familiar idioms (“cheap as chips,” “bitter pill”), which may dilute the poem’s originality. Consider exploring more distinctive imagery or phrasing to deepen the impact.

Overall, the poem presents a coherent and layered critique of disposability culture, using the quill as a potent symbol. Greater specificity in metaphor and more inventive language could further strengthen the poem’s argument and emotional resonance.

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