The Dive

This phantom I’ve become
Starved for incessant connection
Unable to express this need
Permanently disconnected from myself

Peace and joy are emotionally expensive
I find myself at the toll booth of happiness
With little currency and less resolve
I’m given to choose the road of pain

It’s not that I’m entirely joyless
I suffer from intense bouts of happiness
I find no muse in this space, no inspiration
I can manifest no art if I’m satisfied

And so I dive
Without caution and fully headlong
Into my addictions
My sweet, safe, self destruction