raj

May 28, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Does this ring a bell? [Sunku]

Leaves fall
to make way
for winter coats

frozen
lakes then thaw
for spring to sail

summer
waits her turn
to step on stage

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I notice that no Sunku has been posted for a month therefore posting this to keep it going..

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

lovedly

7 years 1 month ago

Thanks Lovedly for the read

Thanks Lovedly for the read and appreciative comment. I am just a simple person not a Sage.
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lovedly

7 years 1 month ago

requesting you to keep it

requesting you to keep it simple and only comment on the poem. I will appreciate that.

Thanks

Jackweb

7 years 1 month ago

Pretty Good,...

Great minds comes in few words...your content is rich, Nice personifications found here. personifying leaves as human being - 'Leaves fall to make way
for winter coats

summer
waits her turn
to step on stage...as if characters are performing. Waoh! this is poetic language found in lines.

...beautiful work of creative writing Sir!

raj

7 years 1 month ago

Thanks Jack for the read and

Thanks Jack for the read and your comment...
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IRiz

7 years 1 month ago

Nice poem,

Nice poem,
I feel it misses the element of surprise.

raj

7 years 1 month ago

yes it does miss the element of surprise which I was trying hard to achieve. I had thought of not giving it a title but just "Sunku" but didn't know if it would then be too abstract to understand where I was going ....any idea how it could have been achieved?...I have now changed the title too late though since so to say the cat is outta the bag :)

i shall be trying to post at least 1 Sunku per month to keep the form active...
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gregwa8

7 years 1 month ago

I like the circular feel of

I like the circular feel of the poem. how one season leads into another, leads into another. with the playful transitions. an interesting poetry form, sunku. is it two syllables, three syllables, and then four syllables, in three stanzas?

raj

7 years 1 month ago

Hi Greg

thanks for reading and your comment....you are absolutely right about lines per stanza ans sequence of syllabi...Sunku is a new form ...a brain child of our friend who is trying to get it accredited...other than the lines and syllable counts it is expected that there should be a between the lines message which the reader should perceive...in this case "only change is permanent"

when you have time read her workshop on Sunku and also aesthetics of Sunku...it would help you to understand more about this form and i believe you would like to have a go at it...
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