weirdelf

Jun 08, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Doing it right

I don’t understand decoration

When I ride a wave I ride for the tube,
Not three sixties

When I ski, I ski fast,
Through powder, bumps, trees or avalanche

If I designed a building it would be a cube,
Or hexagonal for maximum density

Is there a paradox here?
Not to me.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

weirdelf

12 years 1 month ago

it is tricky and painful to ski through a tree

but trees is the same as woods,

Ian.T

12 years 1 month ago

Jess

Sounds very much like you, do you need that "S" on the end of avalanche as it sounds more crisp without it.
Seems that you won't take second place, Yours Ian.T

weirdelf

12 years 1 month ago

avalanche it is

well sspotted ssir

brittle light

12 years 1 month ago

Jess

beauty, truth, simplicity, need no ornamentation...the vapid, ugly, and superficial hide in it. (can you blame them!)

your poem is an exemplar of this point, and particularly apropos of poetry.

weirdelf

12 years 1 month ago

thanks Al

It's probably a good thing I'm not an architect though,
[grins]

Rula

12 years 1 month ago

I agree with Ian

This is so You and 98 % of the men . I think women can take care :P

I thought in line one
I don’t understand decoration

might be "stand" instead of "understand" but both work.

weirdelf

12 years 1 month ago

It is interesting that there seems to be something

of a male/female divide over the subject of decoration. I remember, I think, criticising one of your poems for using ~~~ etc. And I certainly don't like centred verse.

Understand is the correct word. I can appreciate decoration when it doesn't interfere with the prime function of the object/work/piece etc.